Anyone know a good joke?

Question

We have this joke day/thing at my school, and i really need a funny joke to perform to the class. maybe a "knock knock" joke or "what do you get when you cross a...". Thanku

Answer 1

well here's one... I made up



okay blonde joke. (The mothers have the same colored hair as their daughters)



The mother of a burnette looks in her daughter's purse and she finds alchohol. She says "Oh no I didn't know my daughter drank.



Then the mother of a redhead looks in her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes and she says "Oh no I didn't know my daughter smoked!"



Then the mother of a blonde looks in her daughter's purse and finds a condom, and she says, "Oh no I didn't know my daughter had a penius!"

Answer 2

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.



Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."



Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."



About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.



The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."



"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."



"Why not?" asked the son.



"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Answer 3

A blonde was suspected of cheating on her 8th grade final exams. The teacher brought her to the front of the room and told to sit and stay quiet while he proceeded to mangle her test.



As he did this, the blonde started to laugh.



Getting even more furious, he threw the test on the ground and stomped up and down on it leaving foot prints on several ripped pages.



The blonde laughed even louder.



He was livid, finally taking her test and shredding it.



Now, the blonde was laughing uproariously.



The teacher, somewhat more calm but still red looked over and asked, "What's so funny?"



"While you weren't looking, I stood up three times."

Answer 4

haha good well i received a intercourse funny story for you wish you adore it :) on listening to that her grandad had simply died kate went and visited her nan to remedy her while she requested how he died her nan replyed through sayin that he had had a middle assault even as makin love two her kate mentioned that it was once foolish that two historic folks wherein havin intercourse because it was once askin for situation her nan replyed through sayin that they used to do it to the gradual velocity of the church bells because it was once simply the correct velocity she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on through sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might nonetheless be alive at present'' :) xxx

Answer 5

blonde joke:



once, a blonde was supposed to take bus 44 home, but she missed it so she took bus 22 twice.

i think that's hilarious!

Answer 6

1. three men, a german+ a russian+ an american, are walking through the desert, lost and thirsty. then suddenly, the american sees something in the sand. he picks it up and rubs the dust off. POEF! a ghost pops out. he says: "thank you for saving my... well, spirit. as regard, i'd like to thank you each with one wish. but by creating the wish spoken, you must say it out loud when you jump in this empty swimming pool." they all gulp, but the german decides to go first. He jumps in, while yelling: "Beer!!" And suddenly, the swimming pool is filled with beer. The german drank until he was stuffed with it.

Then, the Russian goes. He jumps, and says: "Vodka!!" and the swimming pool is filled with vodka. As for the german, he drank until he was stuffed with it.

Last but not least, is the American. Whilst running to the side, he thinks:" cola, cola, cola..." but when he reaches the side, he slips and yells: "SHHHHIIIIITTTT!!!!"



2. Three handome, male dogs are walking down the street, when they see an enticing, female poodle. They fall all over themselves in an effort to reach her first, but end up in arriving in front of her all at the same time.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind to them and tells them:" the first one to use the words "liver" and "cheese" in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab quickly speaks up and says: "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish!" sighs the Poodle. That is not imaginative or intelligent whatsoever!"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese." blurts the tall, shiny Golden Retriever.

"Sigh... That i just as dumb as the Lab's sentence!" Then she turns to the last of the three dogs. "And how about you, little guy?"

Tiny in stature, but great in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the other dogs, and says:

"Liver alone, cheese mine."



3. Riddle:

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

7, 8, 9. (in: 7 ate 9).

And then why is 10 afraid of 9?

9, 8, 7!



4. Knock, knock:

knock, knock.

who's there?

noise.

noise who?

noise to meet you!



5. What is intelligence?

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."



6. knock, knock:

knock, knock.

who's there?

cow.

cow who?

No! cow's say moo!



7. three men were shipwrecked and lost on an abandoned island. when they thought there was nobody else, four cannibals came walking to them. they said to them: " if you dont want us to kill you, then you have to do a test for us. grab ten pieces of fruit of the first type of fruit that you see in the jungle. then come back to us."

the first one comes back with ten apples. the cannibles say: " now stick them up your butt without making funny faces!"

he started, but with the third he began to laugh and he was killed.

the second one came with ten cherries. he was told the same as the third one. at the 10th berry, he began to laugh very hard. so he was killed, too. he meets person nr. 1 in heaven, and persons nr. 1 asks: why did you laugh?! you nearly made it!" person nr. 2 said: " yea, i know. but i saw the last one coming with ten pineapples!"

(okay, so a bit gross, but funny.)