Bored at work!?

Question

Ok so i am bored @ work and feel like giving out ten points but you will have to work for it. I just want to here some funny stories. what ever ya got i just feel like some laughter. So lets see what ya got! And I hope everyone has a great and safe New Years!!!

Answer 1

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"



So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs". The second floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs and Love Kids". The third floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."



"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.



At the fourth floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."



"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"



Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak." She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: "You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store."



To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. It too has six floors. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

Answer 2

Hiya Mr Bluesfan, Years ago I worked as a theatre orderlie in a hospital and on this one occasion my co-worker and I were summoned into the operating theatre to assist the orthopaedic surgeon with trying to put back into place a dislocated hip. The patient who was anaesthetised at the time was a very large lady of generous proportions (if you catch my drift) and my colleague and I had to hold on to her while the orthopod endeavored to put her hip back in place. The nursing assistants were all gowned up wearing sterile clothing so they stood back to watch three medium sized men pull this ladies leg to all points of the compass with no success. It was then suggested by person unknown to place the patient on the floor of the theatre in order to acheive better leverage. So after catching our breath we lifted the patient using poles slid either side of the canvass which lay under the patient and lowered her to the floor. She was very heavy (34 st) we found out later! Taking care to maintain the lady's dignity we took hold of her again while the surgeon once more tried to engage the hip. Much to the amusement of the nursing assistants the canvass which held the patient started to slide around the theatre floor and try as we might we just held on while we were dragged around the four corners pausing so that the surgeon could catch his breath. Eventually after 45mins of wrestling and lifting we managed to engage the hip, we were so soaked in sweat that we had to change uniforms. Later when the lady came to in the recovery room we went in to see how she was. She happened to mention that her breasts were rather sore and the nursing sister in charge told her that it was probably the tight fitting gown. What a woman!

Answer 3

I had this problem when I went to DC and its funny and its not funny because I could've hurt something or somebody while in the process. my 7th grade class went for a convention and i was popular but i refused to have a bm in the hotel with everybody there so i held my bowels for a whole week bcuz we were there for that long and then when i came back home i was so bacckkkked up my grandma had to call 911 to help me out and the plumber to help our septic tank. DON'T EVER TRY THIS YOU MAY END UP BOTTOMLESS!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

hhhhmmmm, one time I was giving plasma in college for some extra money. I didnt eat that morning and they nurse I had poked my 5 times in one arm and 3 in the other trying to put my blood back in. So i told them to just keep it (about a pint of blood) b/c they were not going to poke me anymore. So I got up cause I had to pee really bad. Went to the bathroom and started peeing in the unrial, I started getting really lightheaded and all the sudden everything went black. I woke up to the doc knocking on the door asking me if i was ok. Turns out my head was hurting, I had passed out fell backwords hit my head on the wall and peed on myself. I had to stay at the doctors for the next 2 hrs with pee all over me while the doc checked to make sure I didnt have a concusion so I could drive home.

Answer 5

One day this man was bored at work so he got on Yahoo Answers. His boss walked up behind him and said " I have a riddle. Guess who just got fired?".

Answer 6

Funny story coming right up....and it was the product of boredom.



My Friend and I were just sitting around at her house wondering what to do so we decided we'd go to walmart and find something to do there. We get there and decide to play truth or dare with out the truth part. She walked around dressed up as a pimp (It was around Halloween) and put on some skimpy underwear over my clothes and followed her around. Every time a kid would walk past we would like run after them until they noticed we were doing it and then we would act all inconspicuous. We were soon kicked out of walmart and forced to buy what we had on so we left and just walked around in our pimp and ho costumes.





My moms frinds from church saw me later... she wasnt very happy with me

Answer 7

This one guy was married to a blind woman. He coudn't figure out what to give her for christmas. He knew she like animals, so he went to the pet shop. He told the owner of the pet shop that his wife was blind and she liked animals. The owner of the pet shop the perfect gift. A parrot. A blind parrot. This parrot sang christmas songs whenever you turned on his light. The man bought the parrot and gave it to his wife. His wife loved it. One day when the man was at work, his wife was vaccuming the carpet and wanted to hear the parrot sing, so she around the house with a lighter to lifght the parrots cage. She did this for a while until she heard "chestnuts roasting on an open Fire."

Answer 8

okay the first person on here said this joke like 20 times and whenever someone asked a question she would put this one... way too proud!



uhh let's see. What is green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels



What do you call a book without a cover?

A stripper

Answer 9

I'm bored at work too, so....

This one time my cuz and I were at the beach sleeping on one of those coach pull out beds. Well, they are cheap junk anyway...so she and I were sitting there talking and I lean back...all of a sudden the bed flips straight up and she and I are upside laughing as hard as we can. I finally scooted down enough to get the bed back down. Gosh it was funny! Well, you would have had to be there to get the funniest part it. But, thats my funny story....

HEHE LOL

Answer 10

well, my best friend and i work together in a professional setting. We both happened to be in the bathroom at the same time. I finished my business before her and came out of my stall. I'm not sure why i decided to unlock her door from the outside, but i did. I caught her with her pants down and then a lady, who by the way is a lesbian walked in while my friends pants were down and her jaw just dropped..We tried to play it off as she didn't lock the door and i "happened" to walk in and try to use that stall. If i hadn't just peed i would have peed myself from laughing.

Answer 11

Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world.



One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!"



The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!"

Answer 12

I suggest playing at addictinggames.com

I platy this all the time at work. one time my boss was walking around and came into my cubicle, he asked me what I was doing and I said working. Later on that day I asked him if I was going to get written up for playing games instead of working and he told me that he does the same thing. I guess the moral of the story is that it is ok to play games at work as long as your boss plays them too.

Answer 13

Was marred at 18 wife past a way at 19 of eating eggs

wife 2 died with a crack scull for not eating the eggs

Answer 14

There is a really funny Dear Abby letter at http://www.hilariousauctions.com

Answer 15

okay, well heres one:

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20071220153141AAWZCbz



Real 911 calls:



Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Dispatcher: 911

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.



Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!



jokes:

what 3 little words dont you wanna hear when youre making love?

-honey! im home!!!



+++++++++++++

a wife had 8 kids and the housband was so proud of his achievement he kept calling her mother of 8. then, at a party, he was like "arre you ready to leave, mother of 8?"

the wife got annoyed and said, "ready when you are father of 4!"

++++++++++++

a wife askt husband to take out garbage...his response:

"what do i look like, a garbage man?"

a wife askt housband to clean the dishes...response:

"what do i look like, mr.cleaner?"

blablabla..etc,etc,...

housband came home and wife said

" i hired someone to take out garbage, clean the dishes, blablabla..etc..etc.."

housband: "how much did it cost?"

wife:" i either had to bake him a cake or have sex with him."

husbind:"how big was the cake?"

wife:"what do i look like? betty crocker?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

lol heres a link i just found:

http://www.onlyfunnystories.com/

Answer 16

I'll do what I can. Watch CSPAN, and watch the soldiers in IRAQ having the time of their life dancing and making video's to send home.

Next time you get bored---think about those Men and Woman who are making the best of it, so you and I can be bored at work.

I retired, and I know those solders could use a laugh to.

Answer 17

this new lad put nearly a full tank of diesel in a petrol landrover at about 2am in the morning when we were in a forest. we had petrol aswell, so we told him he needed to drain the tank into a hole, he promptly climbed under the landy and started digging a pit under the tank.... handbrake??????

Answer 18

okay well one time i was just thinking about numbers for whatever reason and the phone rang and then i answered it and said one instead of hello and another time i said thankyou and then the first the person on the other line was like oh golly and then i started laughing then i hung up

Answer 19

You really need a better job if you can be on yahoo answers at work. You must not get paid much if your here and your at work. Where do you work and what's your bosses name

Answer 20

okay so i was at the mall with some of my friends and my friend Amy randomly goes like " its really hard acting slutty all the time, i just act stllutty to make guys like me" and than she looks my friend sarah and says " i dont know how you do it sarah"

Answer 21

i ll tell u an embarrasin status that i was put into it i was used to put ma hands over ma friends eyes and tell them who am i ?till one day i did that to a friend who was putting glasses and u know wat happend i broke her glasses actually i was shocked when i touched the glass eyes she got i thought they were real then i laughed at my self ,and stpped that silly game,

another funny story happend with me one day i was running out of home in casual clothes and disguised ma character so that no one knows me ,i entered the escalator and then it stopped in another floor and a child with his parents was sayin mam we are goin to granma she told him yes then he asked her is this granma she told him no this is aunt and then i looked at the mirror and laughed and the father laughed and i went home with no more games to do,but the funniest story happend to me when i was walkin with my boy friend and he was at the rear and i was talking to my self in anger and he heard me sayin{ i do i do} , he looked at me surprised we knew eachother for short period he thought i was thinkin of being mrs him, and i made him afraid i guess

Answer 22

my brothers were having a competition in the car to see who could fart on command.. my first brother went and he did alright, my other brother was having some trouble so he kept pushing hard until he pooped his pants. bad thing was windows weren't working and we all nearly vomitted. stank so bad.

Answer 23

ok here your laugh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i am your boss wife and since your job so easy that you have time to play on yahoo answers your job going to become harder with more hours and more work load

Answer 24

a pimp found 3 ho**..........ho* 1 was suc*** d***

ho* 2 was strippin ho* 3 was reading this email not making my money get back to work b****!