desperately needs hearing aid...
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for
a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor
was able to have him> fitted for a set of hearing aids
that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be pleased that you can hear again." The
gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's
house, and after eating, the wives left the table
and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we> went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly. The other man said, "What
is the name of the restaurant?" The first man
thought and thought and finally said, "What is the
name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know...the one that's red
and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's
the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled,"Rose, what's the name of that
restaurant we went to last night?
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student
nurse, I found one elderly gentleman, already dressed
and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet,
who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the
hospital. After a chat about rules being rules,
he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him. "I don't know," he said."She's still upstairs in
the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems
remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor
tells them that they're physically okay, but they
might want to start writing things> down to help them
remember.Later that night, while watching TV, the old
man gets up from his chair."Want anything while I'm in
the kitchen?" he asks."Will you get me a bowl of ice
cream?"Sure.","Don't you think you should write it
down so you can remember it?" she asks"No, I can
remember it.","Well, I'd like some strawberries on
top,too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to
forget it?" He says, "I can remember that. You want a
bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that,write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I
can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and
whipped cream I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he
toddles into the kitchen.After about 20 minutes, the
old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a
plate of bacon and eggs.She stares at the plate
for a moment."Where's my toast?"
_______________________
Three old guys are out walking.First one says, "Windy,
isn't it?" Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I.Let's go get a beer."
__________________________
A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but
it's state of the art.It's perfect." "Really,"
answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
_____________________
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get
a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris
walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on
his arm.A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't
you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc:
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,'You've
got a heart murmur; be careful.'"