Ok here are 3 good long jokes...
Three old men just arrived in heaven and are attending an orientation meeting. They are all asked, "when you are at the funeral and your friends and families are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says" I´d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a wonderful family man"
The second guy says"I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband and schoolteacher and that I made a huge difference on our children of tomorrow"
The third guy thinks a moment and says "I think I'd like to hear them say ´Look, he's moving!´"
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There were 2 buddies out walking their dogs, one with a Dberman pinsher and the other with a Chihuahua, when they smelled something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.
The guy with the Doberman says to his friend "Let´s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the chihuahua says "I'd love to but we can't go in there. We've got our dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman says "Just follow mi lead". He puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks into the restaurant, when the restaurant owner comes up and says "Sorry pal, no pets allowed."
The guy says "You don't understand. This is my Seeing Eye dog."
The owner skeptical says "A Doberman Pinsher?"
The Doberman's master says "Yes their using them now-- they're very good and protect me from robbers too." The owner of the restaurant let's him go in.
When the man with the chihuahua sees this he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the restaurant owner says "Sorry pal no pets allowed."
The guy with the chihuahua says "You don't understand, this is my seeing eye dog."
"A Chihuahua?" says the owner.
The man with the dog replies "A Chihuahua? They gave me a chihuahua?!"
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One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo, and he figures he'll try to earn some money performing. Unfortunately, as soon as he start's to draw a crowd, a zookeeper grabs him and drags him to his office.
The zookeeper explaind to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, had suddenly died and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
The next mourning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd arrives. He discovers that it is a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people, and he draws bigger crowds than ever before.
However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored with swinging on tires. He begins to notice that people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to him. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage , crawls across a divider and dangles from the top of the lions cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
This goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger and the mime's salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day while he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers himself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally the mime starts screaming and yelling "Help me! HELP ME!" but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back, looking up at the angry lion, who growls, "Shut up, you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?!"
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Hope you liked them! LOL!