WOW SO MANY. LET ME GIVE YOU SOME JOKES FIRST.
Kevin was great. But i think i am equal to him.
Here are my collections which only has clean and small ones,
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
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Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
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Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
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Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
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Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
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Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
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Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
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Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!
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Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
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Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
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Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
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Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
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Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
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Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
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Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
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Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!
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Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
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Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
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Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
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Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
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Q. What has four legs but can't walk?
A. A table!
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Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station!
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Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. You crack me up!
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Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
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Q. Why did the elephant eat the candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!
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Q. Why is the letter "G" scary?
A. It turns a host into a ghost
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Q. What has 4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!
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Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!
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Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!
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Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!
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Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. Because it felt crummy.
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Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!
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Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse
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Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese
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Q. Why did the sheep say "moo"?
A. It was learning a new language!
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Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!
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Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!
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Q. What exam do young witches have to pass?
A. A spell-ing test!
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Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Q. Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A. Because you dribble on the floor!
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Q. What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of course!
Q. What washes up on very small beaches?
A. Microwaves!
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Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A. A hole!
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Q. What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
A. The road!
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Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. Take away their chairs!
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Q. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A. The scientists were brainstorming!
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Q. Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date!
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Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
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Q. What did Pooh say to his agent?
A. Show me the honey!
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Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!
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Q. Why did the traffic light turn red?
A. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
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Q. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!
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Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!
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Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!
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Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!
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Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!
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Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!
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Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!
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Q. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A. To draw the curtains!
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Q. How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A. One! After that its not empty!
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Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!
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Q. What bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow!
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Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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Q. What does a teddy bear put in his house?
A. Fur-niture!
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Q.What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A.Spring time.
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Q. What happens to cows during an earthquake?
A. They give milk shakes!
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Q. Why did the jelly wobble?
A. Because it saw the milk shake!
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Q. What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?
A. Betty!
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Q. Where do cows go on holiday?
A. Moo York
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Q. Where did the computer go to dance?
A. To a disc-o.
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Q. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
A. Russel
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Q. What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A. A Bed
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Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. He was a chicken.
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Q. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
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Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
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Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A. A Clausterphobic
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Q. Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
A. Because his friend said its on me.
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Q. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A. Never mind, it's over your head!
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Q. What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
A. A lawn mooer
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Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A. Because he had no-body to go with.
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Q. What did the penny say to the other penny?
A. We make perfect cents.
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Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.
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Q. Why did the picture go to jail?
A. Because it was framed.
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Q. What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
A. Lunch and dinner.
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Q. Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A. So he could have sweet dreams.
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Q. Why did the robber take a bath?
A. Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
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Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
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Q. What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A. Bare-foot.
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Q. What can you serve but never eat?
A. A volleyball.
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Q. What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?
A. No thank you, I am stuffed.
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Q. What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A. Sneakers.
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Q. What did one wall say to the other wall?
A. I'll meet you at the corner.
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Q. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A. So he could tie the score.
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Q. Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A. They both depend on the batter.
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Q. What did the alien say to the garden?
A. Take me to your weeder.
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Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A. I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Q. How do baseball players stay cool?
A. Sit next to their fans.
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Q. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A. A towel.
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Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had too many problems.
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Q. What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A. A refrigerator
Q. How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Climb a tree and act like a nut!
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Q. What do you do with a blue whale?
A. Try to cheer him up!
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Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop him a line!
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Q. Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A. To the Baa Baa shop!
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Q. What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish!
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Q. Why was the pelican kicked out of the hotel?
A. Because he had a big bill!
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Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Crispies!
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Q. What kind of dog tells time?
A. A watch dog!
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Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!
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Q. What do you give a dog with a fever?
A. Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
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Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A. A sour puss!
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Q. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A. Its easier than walking!
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Q. What kind of key opens a banana?
A. A monkey!
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Q. How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
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Q. Why does a hummingbird hum?
A. It doesn't know the words!
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Q. Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A. Because they dropped out of school!
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Q. What goes up and down but doesn't move?
A. The temperature!
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Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Today and Tomorrow!
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Q. Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A. Neither, they both weigh a ton!
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Q. What has four eyes but can't see?
A. Mississippi!
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Q. Where does wood come from?
A. A guy named woody.
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Q. What has one horn and gives milk
A. A milk truck.
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Q. Where do bulls get their messages
A. On a bull-etin board.
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Q. What do bulls do when they go shopping?
A. They CHARGE!
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Q. Why were the giant's fingers only eleven inches long?
A. Because if they were twelve inches long, they'd be a foot.
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Q. What is invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny Farts!
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Q. What runs but can't walk?
A. The faucet!
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Q. What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A. A water bed!
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Q. What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
A. Firecrackers!
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Q. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
A. No thanks, I'm stuffed!
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Q. Why did the barber win the race?
A. Because he took a short cut.
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Q. What's taken before you get it?
A. Your picture.
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Q. Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A. To get a root canal.
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Q. Why did the child study in the airplane?
A. He wanted a higher education!
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Q. Why was the broom late?
A. It over swept!
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Q. What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A. A ladder in her stocking!
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Q. What did one virus say to another?
A. Stay away, I think I've got penicillin!
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Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
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Q. What pet makes the loudest noise?
A. A trum-pet!
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Q. What is a tornado?
A. Mother nature doing the twist!
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Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
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Q. How do you tease fruit?
A. Banananananananana!
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Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A. Because he wanted to work over-time!
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Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A. Because he wanted to see time fly!
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Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?
A. Jell-o!
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Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?
A. When you're eating a watermelon!
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Q. How did the farmer mend his pants?
A. With cabbage patches!
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Q. Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
A. Because it makes you break out!
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Q. What do you call artificial spaghetti?
A. Mockaroni!
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Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?
A. He has a lot of ketchup time!
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Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!
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Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?
A. Tomato Paste!
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Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A. Because his parents were in a jam!
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Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty!
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Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A. A deviled egg!
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Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A. A turkey!
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Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A. A stomach-cake!
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Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. He felt crummy!
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Q. When does a cart come before a horse?
A. In the dictionary!
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Q. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A. She couldn't control her pupils!
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Q. What do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together?
A. Swimming trunks.
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Q. What goes up when the rain comes down?
A. An umbrella.
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Q. What disappears when you stand up?
A. Your lap.
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Q. What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?
A. My pop is bigger than yours.
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Q. What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
A. You are too little to smoke.
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Q. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
A. A doctopus!
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Q. Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
A. Because she wanted to test the waters!
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Q. Why did the belt go to jail?
A. Because it held up a pair of pants!
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Q. What is the center of gravity?
A. The letter V!
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Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A. Stick with me and we will go places!
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Q. What sort of star is dangerous?
A. A shooting star!
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Q. Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
A. He wanted the lesson to be very clear!
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Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
A. Flood lights!
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Q. What do computers do when they get hungry?
A. They eat chips!
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Q. Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
A. Because they're all in High School!
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Q. Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A. "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
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Q. Which month do soldiers hate most?
A. The month of March!
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Q. What did the painter say to the wall?
A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
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Q. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A. In case they get a hole in one!
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Q. What did the the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on a head, I'll just hang around!
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Q. What would you call two banana skins?
A. A pair of slippers
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Q. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A. To win the nobell prize
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Q. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
A. They wear snow caps.
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Q. Why did the balloon burst?
A. Because it saw a lolly pop!
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Q. Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?
A. Because he wasn't very hungry.
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Q. How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A. Buccaneer
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Q. When is a car not a car?
A. When it turns into a garage.
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Q. If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
A. The baby, because he's a little Bigger!
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Q. What did the carpet say to the floor?
A. "You go ahead I'll cover you"
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Q. Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
A. He wanted to get to the second-hand shop!
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Q. What flower grows on your face?
A. Tulips
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Q. What is a computer's favorite dance?
A. Disk-o
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Q. Why did the little boy put lipstick on his head?
A. He wanted to make up his mind!
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Q. What kind of ship never sinks?
A. Friendship!
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Q. What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
A. Stop going in circles and get to the point!
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Q. How do you make a hotdog stand?
A. Steal its chair!
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Q. Did you hear about what happened at the Laundromat last night?
A. Three clothes-pins held up two shirts!
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Q. Why did the computer squeak.
A. Because someone stepped on it's mouse
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Q. What did one earthquake say to another?
A. It's not my fault!
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Q. Where's an astronaut's favourite place on the computer?
A. The spacebar!
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Q. What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons?
A. A sour puss!
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Q. Why do cows have bells?
A. Because their horns don't work!
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Q. What has 4 wheels and flies?
A. A Garbage truck
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DID YOU LIKE IT NOW FOR SOME TONGUE TWISTERS
Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings.
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A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits
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A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
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Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
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Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry.
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Unique New York.
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Betty Botter had some butter,
"But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter--
that would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter
bought a bit of better butter.
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Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.
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Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?
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A big black bug bit a big black bear,
made the big black bear bleed blood.
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The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
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Toy boat. Toy boat. Toy boat.
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One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.
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Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.
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I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.
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She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
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Mrs. Smith's Fish Sauce Shop.
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"Surely Sylvia swims!" shrieked Sammy, surprised.
"Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink."
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A Tudor who tooted a flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to their tutor,
"Is it harder to toot
or to tutor two tooters to toot?"
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Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.
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Three free throws.
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I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.
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Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.
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A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
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Knapsack straps.
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Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?
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Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.
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A bitter biting bittern
Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern
Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten,
By the better bitten bittern,
Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"
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Inchworms itching.
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A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
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The myth of Miss Muffet.
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Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw
Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw!
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Friendly Frank flips fine flapjacks.
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Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.
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Cheap ship trip.
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I cannot bear to see a bear
Bear down upon a hare.
When bare of hair he strips the hare,
Right there I cry, "Forbear!"
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Lovely lemon liniment.
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Gertie's great-grandma grew aghast at Gertie's grammar.
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Tim, the thin twin tinsmith
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Fat frogs flying past fast.
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I need not your needles, they're needless to me;
For kneading of noodles, 'twere needless, you see;
But did my neat knickers but need to be kneed,
I then should have need of your needles indeed.
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Flee from fog to fight flu fast!
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Greek grapes.
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The boot black bought the black boot back.
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
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We surely shall see the sun shine soon.
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Moose noshing much mush.
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Ruby Rugby's brother bought and brought her
back some rubber baby-buggy bumpers.
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Sly Sam slurps Sally's soup.
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My dame hath a lame tame crane,
My dame hath a crane that is lame.
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Six short slow shepherds.
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A tree toad loved a she-toad
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a two-toed tree toad
But a three-toed toad was she.
The two-toed tree toad tried to win
The three-toed she-toad's heart,
For the two-toed tree toad loved the ground
That the three-toed tree toad trod.
But the two-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower
With her three-toed power
The she-toad vetoed him.
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Which witch wished which wicked wish?
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Old oily Ollie oils old oily autos.
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The two-twenty-two train tore through the tunnel.
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Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed
shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;
sheep should sleep in a shed.
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Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.
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Three gray geese in the green grass grazing.
Gray were the geese and green was the grass.
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Many an anemone sees an enemy anemone.
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Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
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Peggy Babcock.
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You've no need to light a night-light
On a light night like tonight,
For a night-light's light's a slight light,
And tonight's a night that's light.
When a night's light, like tonight's light,
It is really not quite right
To light night-lights with their slight lights
On a light night like tonight.
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Black bug's blood.
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Flash message!
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Say this sharply, say this sweetly,
Say this shortly, say this softly.
Say this sixteen times in succession.
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Six sticky ****** sticks.
------------------------------...
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu
choose the shoes he chews?
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Crisp crusts crackle crunchily.
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Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
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Six sharp smart sharks.
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What a shame such a shapely sash
should such shabby stitches show.
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Sure the ship's shipshape, sir.
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Betty better butter Brad's bread.
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Of all the felt I ever felt,
I never felt a piece of felt
which felt as fine as that felt felt,
when first I felt that felt hat's felt.
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Sixish.
------------------------------...
Don't pamper damp scamp tramps that camp under ramp lamps.
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Swan swam over the sea,
Swim, swan, swim!
Swan swam back again
Well swum, swan!
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Six shimmering sharks sharply striking shins.
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I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought
I thought I thought.
------------------------------...
Brad's big black bath brush broke.
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Thieves seize skis.
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Chop shops stock chops.
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Sarah saw a shot-silk sash shop full of shot-silk sashes
as the sunshine shone on the side of the shot-silk sash shop.
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Strict strong stringy Stephen Stretch
slickly snared six sickly silky snakes.
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Susan shineth shoes and socks;
socks and shoes shines Susan.
She ceased shining shoes and socks,
for shoes and socks shock Susan.
------------------------------...
Truly rural.
------------------------------...
The blue bluebird blinks.
------------------------------...
Betty and Bob brought back blue balloons from the big bazaar.
------------------------------...
When a twister a-twisting will twist him a twist,
For the twisting of his twist, he three twines doth intwist;
But if one of the twines of the twist do untwist,
The twine that untwisteth untwisteth the twist.
Untwirling the twine that untwisteth between,
He twirls, with his twister, the two in a twine;
Then twice having twisted the twines of the twine,
He twitcheth the twice he had twined in twain.
The twain that in twining before in the twine,
As twines were intwisted he now doth untwine;
Twist the twain inter-twisting a twine more between,
He, twirling his twister, makes a twist of the twine.
------------------------------...
The Leith police dismisseth us.
------------------------------...
The seething seas ceaseth
and twiceth the seething seas sufficeth us.
------------------------------...
If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor
who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the
doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor
the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
------------------------------...
Two Truckee truckers truculently truckling
to have truck to truck two trucks of truck.
------------------------------...
Plague-bearing prairie dogs.
------------------------------...
Ed had edited it.
------------------------------...
She sifted thistles through her thistle-sifter.
------------------------------...
Give me the gift of a grip top sock:
a drip-drape, ship-shape, tip-top sock.
------------------------------...
While we were walking, we were watching window washers
wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.
------------------------------...
Freshly fried fresh flesh.
------------------------------...
Pacific Lithograph.
------------------------------...
Six twin screwed steel steam cruisers.
------------------------------...
The crow flew over the river
with a lump of raw liver.
------------------------------...
Preshrunk silk shirts
------------------------------...
A bloke's back bike brake block broke.
------------------------------...
A pleasant place to place a plaice is a place
where a plaice is pleased to be placed.
------------------------------...
I correctly recollect Rebecca MacGregor's reckoning.
------------------------------...
Good blood, bad blood.
------------------------------...
Quick kiss. Quicker kiss.
------------------------------...
I saw Esau kissing Kate. I saw Esau,
he saw me, and she saw I saw Esau.
------------------------------...
Cedar shingles should be shaved and saved.
------------------------------...
Lily ladles little Letty's lentil soup.
------------------------------...
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts,
with stoutest wrists and loudest boasts,
he thrusts his fist against the posts
and still insists he sees the ghosts.
------------------------------...
Shelter for six sick scenic sightseers.
------------------------------...
Listen to the local yokel yodel.
------------------------------...
Give Mr. Snipa's wife's knife a swipe.
------------------------------...
Whereat with blade,
with bloody, blameful blade,
he bravely broached his boiling bloody breast.
------------------------------...
Are our oars oak?
------------------------------...
Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?
------------------------------...
A lusty lady loved a lawyer
and longed to lure him from his laboratory.
------------------------------...
The epitome of femininity.
------------------------------...
She stood on the balcony
inexplicably mimicing him hiccupping,
and amicably welcoming him home.
------------------------------...
Kris Kringle carefully crunched on candy canes.
------------------------------...
Please pay promptly.
------------------------------...
On mules we find two legs behind
and two we find before.
We stand behind before we find
what those behind be for.
------------------------------...
What time does the wristwatch strap shop shut?
------------------------------...
One-One was a racehorse.
Two-Two was one, too.
When One-One won one race,
Two-Two won one, too.
------------------------------...
Girl gargoyle, guy gargoyle.
------------------------------...
Pick a partner and practice passing,
for if you pass proficiently,
perhaps you'll play professionally.
------------------------------...
Once upon a barren moor
There dwelt a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not bear the boar.
The boar thought the bear a bore.
At last the bear could bear no more
Of that boar that bored him on the moor,
And so one morn he bored the boar--
That boar will bore the bear no more.
------------------------------...
If a Hottentot taught a Hottentot tot
To talk ere the tot could totter,
Ought the Hottenton tot
Be taught to say aught, or naught,
Or what ought to be taught her?
If to hoot and to toot a Hottentot tot
Be taught by her Hottentot tutor,
Ought the tutor get hot
If the Hottentot tot
Hoot and toot at her Hottentot tutor?
------------------------------...
Will you, William?
------------------------------...
Mix, Miss Mix!
------------------------------...
Who washed Washington's white woolen underwear
when Washington's washer woman went west?
------------------------------...
Two toads, totally tired.
------------------------------...
Freshly-fried flying fish.
------------------------------...
The sawingest saw I ever saw saw
was the saw I saw saw in Arkansas.
------------------------------...
Just think, that sphinx has a sphincter that stinks!
------------------------------...
Strange strategic statistics.
------------------------------...
Sarah sitting in her Chevrolet,
All she does is sits and shifts,
All she does is sits and shifts.
------------------------------...
Hi-Tech Traveling Tractor Trailor Truck Tracker
------------------------------...
Ned Nott was shot
and Sam Shott was not.
So it is better to be Shott
than Nott.
Some say Nott
was not shot.
But Shott says
he shot Nott.
Either the shot Shott shot at Nott
was not shot,
or
Nott was shot.
If the shot Shott shot shot Nott,
Nott was shot.
But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott,
then Shott was shot,
not Nott.
However,
the shot Shott shot shot not Shott --
but Nott.
------------------------------...
Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.
------------------------------...
Three twigs twined tightly.
------------------------------...
There was a young fisher named Fischer
Who fished for a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in;
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fischer.
------------------------------...
Pretty Kitty Creighton had a cotton batten cat.
The cotton batten cat was bitten by a rat.
The kitten that was bitten had a button for an eye,
And biting off the button made the cotton batten fly.
------------------------------...
Suddenly swerving, seven small swans
Swam silently southward,
Seeing six swift sailboats
Sailing sedately seaward.
------------------------------...
The ochre ogre ogled the poker.
------------------------------...
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
It's slick to stick a lock upon your stock,
Or some stickler who is slicker
Will stick you of your liquor
If you fail to lock your liquor
With a lock!
------------------------------...
Shredded Swiss chesse.
------------------------------...
The soldiers shouldered shooters on their shoulders.
------------------------------...
Theophiles Thistle, the successful thistle-sifter,
in sifting a sieve full of un-sifted thistles,
thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.
Now.....if Theophiles Thistle, the successful thistle-sifter,
in sifting a sieve full of un-sifted thistles,
thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb,
see that thou, in sifting a sieve full of un-sifted thistles,
thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.
Success to the successful thistle-sifter!
------------------------------...
Thank the other three brothers of their father's mother's brother's side.
------------------------------...
They both, though, have thirty-three thick thimbles to thaw.
------------------------------...
Irish wristwatch.
------------------------------...
Fred fed Ted bread, and Ted fed Fred bread.
------------------------------...
Cows graze in groves on grass which grows in grooves in groves.
------------------------------...
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades,
blunderbusses, and bludgeons -- balancing them badly.
------------------------------...
Tragedy strategy.
------------------------------...
Selfish shellfish.
------------------------------...
They have left the thriftshop, and lost both their theatre tickets and the
volume of valuable licenses and coupons for free theatrical frills and thrills.
------------------------------...
These are in Dutch
Ik zag de zon zakken in de Zuiderzee.
Hoor de kleine klompjes klepperen op de klinkers.
To en Tom aten tomaten; To at en Tom vrat.
Soldatententententoonstelling.
------------------------------...
Peter bought a butter, The butter Peter
bought was bitter, So Peter Bought A better butter,
To make the bitter butter better.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Did
Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers? If Peter
Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the
peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Betty Botter had some butter,But," she said, "this
butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter,it
would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better
butter-that would make my batter better." So she
bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter
butter, And she baked it in her batter, and the batter was
not bitter. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of
better butter.
A big black bug bit a big black bear,made the big
black bear bleed blood.
The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she
sells are surely seashells. So if she sells shells
on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.
A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea,
"Let us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they
flew through a flaw in the flue.
Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.
A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter
back. And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better
bitten bittern, Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit,
alack!"
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck
could chuck wood? He would chuck,he would,as much as
he could,and chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Which witch wished which wicked wish?
Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The
seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied
south. These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;sheep
should sleep in a sack.
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