Good funny jokes anyone?

Question

Good funny jokes anyone?

Answer 1

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?

Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.



A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."



"This birthday cake certainly is crunchy."

"Maybe you should spit out the plate!



Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.

Answer 2

Why is it a undesirable concept to play UNO with mexicans? simply by fact they'll constantly thieve your eco-friendly-taking part in cards. A Mexican and a Blackman are in a vehicle. who's employing? A cop what's the adaptation between a blackman and a bench? A bench can help a kinfolk of four Why dosn't Mexico have an Olympic team? simply by fact all human beings which could run, bounce and swim is already right here.

Answer 3

A Husband wrote the following letter for his Wife and left it on the

dining room table:



To My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being

54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I

value you as a good Wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I

hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be

spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn

Hotel.



Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.



When the man came home late that night, he found the following

letter on the dining room table:



My Dear Husband,



I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being

54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you

that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at

our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read

this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my

students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young,

virile, and like your secretary, is

18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent

knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same

situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot

more times than 54 goes into 18!!!



Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow!

Answer 4

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:



In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions'.



'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'



This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.



The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear,a man goes through three phases.

In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'



'A Christmas tree?'



'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

Answer 5

nope,oh wait maybe this is a joke or not.

For guys 30 and over who has a tea pot,is your tea pots hard like\as geometry or finding square roots.Well how long you had that problem.

Answer 6

Yup! It's called: Don't mess with old people!

An old man is called to his auditors office, as the auditor wants to know how he pays all his bills. With the old man is his attorney.

Auditor: You are 75 years old, you have no retirement fund, and no solid source of income. You say you get the money to pay you bills by gambling.

Old man: Yup, I'm a very good gambler you know.

Auditor: Maybe so, but you can't get all your money from gambling, what are you hiding?

The old man said again that he was a very good gambler, but the auditer was still doubtful. "Fine" said the old man "I'll prove it to you! I bet you $1000 that I can bite my eye."

The auditor, knowing this to be physically impossible agreed. So, the old man took ot his glass eye, and bit it. The auditor was highly surprised.

"Okay" said the old man "Now I bet you $2000 I can bite my other eye." The auditor, realising the old man was not blind, bet with him again. The old man promptely took out his false teeth, and bit his good eye. The auditor's mouth fell open in shock.

By now the auditor was fuming, he had just lost $3000 to an old man. The old man decided to make one last bet "How about we go double or nothing?I bet you $6000 dollars I can stand behind your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side of the room, and not mess a single drop. The auditor, knowing this was impossible, and willing to try anything, reluctantly agreed. So the old man stood behing the auditor's desk and tried to pee into the wastebasket. But, try as he might, he couldn't get even a single drop inside the basket.

The auditor was ecstatic, and he whooped in joy and delight. Not only had he lost his $3000 dollar debt, he had also gained that much. He beamed from ear to ear.

Next to him, the old man's attorney groaned, and buried his face in his hands. The auditor, suddenly nervous, asks what's wrong.

The attorny replied: "It's just that, before we left to come to your office, the old man bet me $25 000 that he could piss all over your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

Answer 7

a man walks into a bar. what does he say?

Answer 8

Friend,



A person was there in a Park .He was lying on the lawn with face up and singing a melodious song .

After some time , the person suddenly turned face down and began singing again.



Observing this one , who was perplexed and who was near by asked why he was doing like that?



The person replied One side of the Gramophone record I sang face up.Then I turned the record face down , similarly I too did to sing that portion..

Answer 9

Mr T beat Chuck Norris at chess so Chuck Norris got revenge by creating racism.

Whats white and when it falls out of a tree it will kill you. A fridge

Whats green and can't fly. A field



I have some really raciest ones but i don't think their appropriate.I have many friends who are black they think their funny because they understand that its a joke and its not how i really feel about black people.



Like why do Black people have white hands because their is a bit of goodness in all of us.

Who said Black people weren't bright you should see the one burning in my garden.

What do you call a field full of black people. The good old days

Answer 10

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.



...The Russians used a pencil.

Answer 11

I can"t tell you a joke but I can tell you half a joke.



This guy walks into a bar and asks the waiter Please bring me a beer. The waiter brings him a beer and says"