Sorry if there r some inappropriate jokes... I copy & pasted them from another site so I couldnt read them all!! &hearts &hearts &hearts
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word,' comfortable'."
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said," How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some
young woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "O.K., "What's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ........." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth".
The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local
card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?"
she asked.
"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a
new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry."
"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box."
I'M BLONDE AND I'M BEAUTIFUL!
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I' m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
Q. What do you get when you turn 3 dum blondes upside-down?
A. Two brunettes.
Q. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q. Why did the dumb blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Q. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A. Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q. Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A. She realized she gave her last *******.
Q. Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A. Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q. Why did the dumb blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A. So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A. From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A. In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q. Why did God create blondes?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q. Why did God create brunettes?
A. Neither could the blondes.
Q. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A. So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. To turn the blinker off.
Q. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A. She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A. Because it kept falling out.
Q. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q. What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A. Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q. What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A. A blond doing cartwheels.
Q. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A. They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q. Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A. She missed the Earth!
Q. Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A. She blew it both times!
Q. How do you know when a blonde's been in your fridge?
A. Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q. What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A. All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A. About 2 cans of hair spray.
Q. What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A. Pick them up off the floor.
Q. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A. The vegetable garden.
Q. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A. One.
Q. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
A. Far-from-thinkin.
Q. Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A. Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q. What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1. The Blonde!
A2. The other guys waiting their turn.
Q. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A. 'No. But I've been swung around by the ****.'
Q. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A. "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
Q. What's a blonds' favorite rock group?
A. Air Supply.
Q. What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A. A blond electrician.
Q. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A. So brunettes can remember them.
Q. Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A. Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A. They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A. Perri-air.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A. When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!
Q. What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A. The Air Pump!
Q. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.
Q. Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A. They can't keep their calves together!
Q. When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A. After a dye job.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme.
Q. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A. "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"