Thats cute!
Try these
What has a head and a foot but no arms?
A bed!
The turtle took two chocolates to Texas, to teach Thomas to tie his shoes. How many "Ts" in that?
There are 2 "Ts" in "THAT!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
Coo-kies!
Why do Teddy Bear biscuits wear long trousers?
Because they've got crummy legs!
Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
Because they take too long changing!
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted a clean getaway!
What has 5 eyes, is blind, goes for miles, yet bumps into nothing?
The Mississippi River!
Whats the hardest part about sky diving?
The Ground!
What gets wet the more you dry?
A towel!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you'll rise and shine!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that its not empty!
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves!
Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week?
They only work on wick-ends!
What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
What breaks when you say it?
Silence!
If Phil & Lil were a fruit, what kind would they be?
A pear (pair)!
Why can't you starve in a desert?
Because of all the "sand which is" there!
What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!
If a man falls into an outhouse hole, how long will he be in there?
It depends on how many moons he sees!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
The road!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change!
What bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!
What time do you go to the dentist?
Tooth-Hurty!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the dentist say to his computer?
You have a severe Megabyte!
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald Ducked!
What do you get when you throw Daffy Duck into the ocean?
Saltwater Daffy!
Why did Jon go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date!
What goes all around a pasture but never moves?
A fence!
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs!
How do you say chocolate in French?
Chocolate in French! (submitted by Sydney Robbins)
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny! (submitted by Annie Sligh)
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff! (submitted by WJ)
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysarus! (submitted by Deano)
What did the robot say when his battery went dead?
AC Come, AC Go! (submitted by gloriafan)
What did Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey! (submitted by gloriafan)
What's the last thing you take off before going to sleep?
Your feet off the floor! (submitted by Ariella)
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore! (submitted by Megan)
What should you do when you're dying?
Go into the living room & eat life savers! (submitted by Bob)
What has four legs but doesn't move?
A table! (submitted by Brittany)
What is H204?
Drinking! (submitted by Karen)
Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...he was a little Bigger! (submitted by Mari)
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck! (submitted by M.F.)
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
Because the poor didn't have any money! (submitted by Jordan Fries)
How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightgown! (submitted by anonymous)
What did one candle say to the other candle?
Lets go out tonight! (submitted by Kate)
What do you call a city with 2,000 eggs?
New Yolk City! (submitted by Felicia)
What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course! (submitted by Bo Cheever)
Why did the man throw his pants out the window?
He heard the newspaper boy yell "Free Press"! (submitted by Bear)
What has teeth but cannot eat?
A comb! (submitted by missmollylou)
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something! (submitted by Greg)
What goes up the chimney down, but not down the chimney up?
An umbrella! (submitted by Kendra Taylor)
What do you call a funny guy whose face changes colors?
A chameleon! (submitted by Sarah McAlevey)
What song does a van radio play?
A cartoon (car tune)! (submitted by Gwynneth & Jaimie)
Why is Santa Claus like a busy gardener?
Because all he does is HO HO HO! (submitted by Bug)
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits! (submitted by Melissa)
Why did the lawyer go to court in her underwear?
Because she lost her suit! (submitted by Christian)
What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
My pop's bigger than your pop! (submitted by Carly)
How can you tell a train went by?
It left its tracks behind! (submitted by Carrie Sears)
Why didn't God make 2 Yogi Bears?
He made a boo-boo! (submitted by Julianne M.)
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh! (submitted by Markie Sharp)
What is big, red, and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater! (submitted by Bob)
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims! (submitted by Zira)
Why is Bart Simpson's Dad afraid of Mark Magwire?
Because he hits a lot of Homers! (submitted by Huh? What?)
Does your shirt have holes in it?
No, then how did you put it on? (submitted by Abby)
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot! (submitted by lockjaw2.1)
What do you get when you cross Frosty the Snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite! (submitted by Ana G.)
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck! (submitted by Megan Smith)
Who stole the soap?
The Robber Ducky! (submitted by Ryan)
What goes all over the world but doesn't move?
The highway! (submitted by eggs)
What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
A Puddle! (submitted by Chris Arellanes)
Why did the traffic light turn red?
You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street! (submitted by Justine Osborn)
What kind of boomerang doesn't come back?
A stick! (submitted by Matthew Coleman)
What kind of flower grows on your face?
Tulips! (submitted by Jason McMaster)
What do you get when you cross a grandma & an octopus?
I don't know, but it sure can play Bingo! (submitted by Sarah A.)
What does Tarzan sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells! (submitted by Maeve)
Why did the man run around his bed?
To catch up on his sleep! (submitted by Hannah Banna)
Why is it cold on Christmas?
Because its in Decembrrrrrrrrrr! (submitted by Allison)
How much does it cost for a pirate to get earrings?
A Buccaneer! (submitted by Harley (beasty))
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
Post Office! (submitted by NeNe)
What is the difference between a jeweler & a jailer?
A jeweler sells watches & a jailer watches cells! (submitted by Zach Tuchman)
What did the pinetree say to his girlfriend?
I'm fir you! (submitted by John Baker)
What did Delaware?
A New Jersey! (submitted by chronotrigger)
Why can't you play cards on a small boat?
Because someone is always sitting on the deck! (submitted by Jay)
Where does a king keep his armies?
Up his sleevies! (submitted by Chelsie)
What is green and has yellow wheels?
Grass...I lied about the wheels! (submitted by anonymous)
What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do at night?
Lie awake and wonder if there really is a dog! (submitted by Snufelufogus)
What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln & Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays! (submitted by Bo)
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry, I've got you covered! (submitted by Lindsay)
What did one volcano say to the other?
Do you lava me like I lava you? (submitted by Meg)
Three people were standing under an umbrella...which one got wet?
None of them, it wasn't raining! (submitted by Bones)
Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains! (submitted by sausage)
Why did the tap run?
Because it saw the apple turnover! (submitted by lala)
What did the sea say to the sand?
Nothing, it just waved! (submitted by Emma J.)
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You are too young to smoke! (submitted by Nascar_Man22)
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the frog have in common?
The same middle name! (submitted by Nathan)
What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out! (submitted by Sonia/Akhil)
What goes up and down but never moves?
The stairs! (submitted by Brandy)
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can HO HO HO! (submitted by Joe)
What did Snow White say while she waited for her photos?
Someday my prints will come! (submitted by Fireface)
Did you hear about the robbery last night?
Two clothespins held up a pair of pants! (submitted by Mr. Bill)
Why do eskimo's do their laundry in Tide?
Because its too cold out "tide"! (submitted by Stephanie Fellner)
Where was Mickey when the lights went out?
In the dark! (submitted by Karli)
What has 2 hands, a big round face, always runs but stays in place?
A clock! (submitted by Samantha)
What has a mouth but never talks, always runs & never walks?
A River! (submitted by Samantha)
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish! (submitted by Sam)
What kind of button won't unbutton?
A bellybutton! (submitted by anonymous)
A man walked into a bar...
OUCH! (submitted by Lauren & Mary)
What runs but can't walk?
The faucet! (submitted by Ericka)
What do you call a man who crosses a river twice & doesn't take a bath?
A dirty double crosser! (submitted by Leonard)
What goes up and does not come down?
Your age! (submitted by Marcya)
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! (submitted by Poppabear)
What is big, red, furry and knocks you over?
Tackle Me Elmo! (submitted by Jarret Y.)
Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly! (submitted by anonymous)
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
Because he wanted to work over-time! (submitted by Anonymous)
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A water bed! (submitted by Gretchen)
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner! (submitted by Tiffany Dillon)
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll just hang around! (submitted by Emily B.)
What do you call a carousel with no brakes?
Merry-go-round, and round, and round, and round!
What do you call a snowman with a suntan?
A Puddle!
----------------------------------------------------
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Rufffff! (submitted by Amers)
What happened to the mouse who fell off the shelf and into a glass of Mountain Dew?
Nothing, it was a soft drink! (submitted by Hannah)
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A Pork-Chop! (submitted by Travis, age 6, from Jonesboro, Arkansas)
What is a dogs favorite drink?
Dr. Pupper! (submitted by Megan)
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because the kids have to play inside! (submitted by Jesse Brown)
What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Any dog, buildings can't jump! (submitted by Connor M from Lake Ozark, MO)
Why did the dog jump into the river?
Because he wanted to catch a cat fish! (submitted by Jennifer McKeen)
What looks exactly like a hippo but weighs nothing?
Its shadow! (submitted by Alex)
What does a frog do when its car breaks down?
Gets it toad off and jump started! (submitted by Josh)
What is the best year for a kangaroo?
A leap year! (submitted by Hanna Johnson)
What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon would go up! (submitted by LeeAnne Burey from Timmins Ontario Canada)
How do you close an envelope underwater?
With a Seal! (submitted by Tyler Burey from Timmins Ontario Canada)
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because they have smelly feet! (submitted by Mark Burey from Timmins Ontario Canada)
Where do cats like to go on vacation?
The Canary Islands! (submitted by Horser)
If a wolf lost his tail, where would he get another one?
The re-tail store! (submitted by paula)
What is a horse's favorite cartoon character?
Whinney the Pooh! (submitted by Mayday Malone)
What did the teddy bear say when the monkey offered him dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed! (submitted by Mary)
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam! (submitted by Jake)
How does a dog smell?
Badly! (submitted by Thomas & Krista Kais-Prial)
What kind of dog likes to take a bath?
A Sham-poodle! (submitted by amanda)
What monkey can fly?
A hot air baboon! (submitted by Funky Monkey)
What do you call a Triceritops that never gives up?
A try, try, triceritops! (submitted by sweeTpi14)
What do you call a dog that gets mail?
A golden receiver! (submitted by Manda)
What did the duck say to the comedian after the show?
You really quacked me up! (submitted by Jessica Marquez, TX)
What kind of shoes do chickens wear?
Reebok-bok-boks! (submitted by Thomas)
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school! (submitted by Taylor Brown)
Why do birds fly south?
Its too far to walk! (submitted by Clinton Ward)
Why did the farmer take hay to bed?
He wanted to feed his Night-Mares! (submitted by Jesse)
What is a dog's favorite snack?
Pupcorn! (submitted by Desiree)
Why did the cat run from the tree?
It barked! (submitted by Ashley Washburn)
Have you heard the story about the cat on the roof?
Don't worry about it, its over your head! (submitted by Nicole Z)
10 cats were on a boat, one jumped off, how many were left?
None, they were all copycats! (submitted by Adam Z.)
What does a monkey shampoo his hair with?
Vidal Baboon! (submitted by peewee)
What is black & shiny, lives in trees, and very dangerous?
A crow with a machine gun! (submitted by Simon Todd)
Where do cows dance?
At the meatball! (submitted by Sabrina M.)
What does an astronaut's penguin eat?
Mission Chips! (submitted by LI)
What do you give a pig with a rash?
Oinkment! (submitted by Megan)
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator! (submitted by Callie W.)
What does Cinderella Seal wear?
Glass Flippers! (submitted by JOJO)
Why is it loud in a barn?
Because the cows have horns! (submitted by Bob)
Which is more generous, a skunk or a giraffe?
The skunk, because he gives off a scent! (submitted by WaCkO)
What did the chicken say to the farmer?
Nothing! A chicken can't talk! (submitted by Alicia)
What animal carries an umbrella?
A raindeer! (submitted by A&C)
What do frogs order in restaurants?
French Flies! (submitted by T.T.T.)
What day of the week do fish hate?
Fry-day! (submitted by Beauty Spots)
Where does a fish keep his money?
In a river bank! (submitted by Joe)
What do you call 100 bunnies jumping backwards?
A receding hare-line! (submitted by Brogan)
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croak-a-Cola! (submitted by Brit)
What do you give a sick alligator?
Gatorade! (submitted by Michelle)
Why does a hummingbird hum?
It doesn't know the words! (submitted by Zachary Fry)
Did you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire! (submitted by Lauren S.)
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him! (submitted by Lauren S.)
What do you call a rabbit that is owned by a beetle?
A Bug's Bunny! (submitted by Biker & Pinker)
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? (submitted by Clara DuPont)
What does a crab use to call someone?
A Shellular phone! (submitted by Holly)
Where do penguins keep their money?
In the snow bank! (submitted by Laynie)
What do rabbits do when they get married?
Go on a bunnymoon! (submitted by thewies)
What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey! (submitted by Zach C.)
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef! (submitted by Sadie)
What kind of fish has 2 knees?
A two-knee fish! (submitted by Tiffany)
How do you keep a fish from smelling?
Cut off its nose! (submitted by Spike)
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer! (submitted by Ange)
What is gray, howls at the moon, and is full of concrete?
A wolf, the concrete part is just to make it harder! (submitted by Zowie)
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Its easier than walking! (submitted by Sara Anam)
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into court?
Odor in the court! (submitted by Kelli)
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sour puss! (submitted by Bo)
What do you call a fish without an eye?
A Fsh! (submitted by Veterano)
What kind of cat shouldn't you play cards with?
A Cheetah! (submitted by Carley)
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! (submitted by Brockie)
What is the quietest dog?
A hushpuppy! (submitted by Little Helper)
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work! (submitted by Em Myster)
What is a twip?
What a wabbit takes when he wides a twain! (submitted by Farheen Dehlavi)
What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Are you my mother? (submitted by Andrei)
What is gray, has big ears and a trunk?
A mouse going on vacation! (submitted by Emma J.)
What kind of bears like to go out in the rain?
Drizzly Bears! (submitted by Whazup99)
How do robins get in shape?
They do worm-ups! (submitted by Whazup99)
What is brown, has a hump, and lives in the North Pole?
A very lost camel! (submitted by Scott)
Name six things smaller than an ant's mouth?
Six of its teeth! (submitted by Mr. JoJo)
Where do horses go when they are sick?
To the Horsepital! (submitted by Tiffany)
What do you do when a dog is crying in the back seat of a car?
Put him in the front seat! (submitted by Whitney Briggs)
Why can't a leopard hide?
Because he's always spotted! (submitted by Sonia/Akhil)
What's the difference between a dog and a painter?
One sheds his coat, and the other coats his shed! (submitted by anonymous)
What did scientists say when they found bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it! (submitted by M. Grove)
Which side of the chicken does the feathers grow on?
The outside! (submitted by Karli)
What do you call a cow that has just had a baby?
A Decalfinated Cow! (submitted by Naomi)
What does a nuclear scientist penguin eat?
Fission chips! (submitted by Ravi)
What kind of dog tells time?
A watch dog! (submitted by Kellie H.)
Why do bears buy cheap sneakers?
Because when they wear them they still have bear feet! (submitted by Melissa from PA)
What do you call a monkey holding a firecracker?
A baboom! (submitted by Joshua B. Baker)
What do cows do on Saturday nights?
Go to the mooooooooovies! (submitted by Michelle)
What did the cat eat for breakfast?
Mice Cakes! (submitted by Marcya)
How do you stop a rhino from charging?
Take away its credit card! (submitted by anonymous)
Why did Mickey Mouse leave home?
Because his father was a rat! (submitted by Bill P.)
What do you call a box of fifty ducks?
A box of quackers! (submitted by Amber)
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse! (submitted by Uncle Mark)
What mouse doesn't eat cheese?
A computer mouse! (submitted by anonymous)
Why are frogs good outfielders?
Because they can catch lots of flies! (submitted by Aaron Tapp)
What do rabbits send their mail by?
Haremail! (submitted by Jeff)
What kind of car does a cat drive?
A Cat-a-lac! (submitted by Monica M.)
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish! (submitted by Christine B.)
What happened to the cow who went for a drive?
He got a moo-ving violation! (submitted by Brittany K. Payton)
Why was the pelican kicked out of the hotel?
Because he had a big bill! (submitted by Ashley Nimey)
What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
What do you do with a blue whale?
Try to cheer him up!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line!
What do you call a cat at the beach?
Sandy Claws!
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
To the Baa Baa shop!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Crispies!