Any1 got some FUNNY jokes 2 share???

Question

a day without laughter is a day wasted
please avoid nasty jokes ^.^

Answer 1

I want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry I cry.U lauf I lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... I lauf again



Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster



He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!



Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?!



He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO



MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??



5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shld i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!



if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation!



hope u enjoyed these...

Answer 2

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Answer 3

3

Answer 4

2

Answer 5

1

Answer 6

mauahhahahaha look at that guy wow look all those joke wooooww

Answer 7

Look in the mirror and there's your joke! LOL...LOL...LOL!

Answer 8

I DON'T HAVE 1 BUT YOU COPY MY PERSON ITS OK WE BOTH HAVE GOOD TASTE

Answer 9

The Congress of the United States is the biennial meeting of the legislative branch of the United States federal government. It is bicameral, comprising the House of Representatives and the Senate, and all of its members are elected directly by the people. The House of Representatives has 435 members, each representing a congressional district and serving a two-year term. House seats are apportioned among the states by population. Each state has two Senators, regardless of population. There are 100 senators, serving six-year terms.



The United States Constitution vests all legislative powers of the federal government in the Congress. The powers of Congress are limited to those enumerated in the Constitution; all other powers are reserved to the states and the people. Through Acts of Congress, Congress may regulate interstate and foreign commerce, levy taxes, organize the federal courts, maintain the military, declare war, and certain other "necessary and proper" powers.



The Senate and House of Representatives are co-equal houses. However, there are some special powers granted to one chamber only. The Senate's advice and consent is required for presidential appointments to high-level executive and judicial positions, and for the ratification of treaties. Bills for raising revenue may only originate in the House of Representatives.



Congress meets in the Capitol in Washington, D.C.





The United States Capitol buildingContents [hide]

1 History

2 Composition

2.1 Officers

2.2 Women, ethnic and racial minorities

2.3 Restrictions on office holding

3 Powers

4 Checks and balances

5 Legislative procedure

5.1 Term

5.2 Joint sessions

5.3 Bills and resolutions

5.4 Quorum and voting

6 Privileges

7 Member groups

8 See also

9 References

10 External links







[edit]

History

Main article: History of the United States Congress

The Congress of the United States derives from First Continental Congress, a meeting of representatives of twelve of Great Britain's seventeen North American colonies, in the autumn of 1774. On 4 July 1776, the Second Continental Congress declared thirteen former colonies independent states, referring to them as the "United States of America." Under the Articles of Confederation, Congress was a unicameral body in which each state was equally represented, and in which each state had a veto over most action. The ineffectiveness of the federal government under the Articles led Congress to summon the Convention of 1787. Originally intended to revise the Articles of Confederation, it ended up writing a completely new constitution.



James Madison called for a bicameral Congress: the lower house elected directly by the people, and the upper house elected by the lower house. The smaller states, however, favored a unicameral Congress with equal representation for the states. Eventually, a compromise was reached; the House of Representatives to provide proportional representation, whereas the Senate would provide equal representation. In order to preserve further the authority of the states, it was provided that state legislatures, rather than the people, would elect senators.



The post Civil War Gilded Age was marked by Republican dominance of Congress. Senate elections were tainted by corruption, bribery and gridlock preventing the election of a senator. These issues were addressed by the Seventeenth Amendment (ratified in 1913), which provided for the direct election of senators.



The early twentieth century witnessed the rise of party leadership in both houses of Congress. In the House of Representatives, the office of Speaker became extremely powerful. Leaders in the Senate were somewhat less powerful; individual senators still retained much of their influence. In particular, committee chairmen remained particularly strong in both houses until the reforms of the 1970s.



During the long administration of President Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933–45), the Democratic Party controlled both houses of Congress. Both the Republicans and the Democrats were in control at various points during the next decade. However, after winning the elections of 1954, the Democratic Party was the majority party in both houses of Congress for most of the next forty years. The Republicans finally returned to a majority position, in both houses of Congress, in the election of 1994. The Republicans have controlled both houses since, except that the Democrats held the Senate briefly from 2001 to 2003.



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Composition



Seal of the Congress.The House of Representatives consists of 435 members representing the fifty states. Seats are apportioned among the states on the basis of population, but every state, regardless of size, is guaranteed at least one seat. Representatives are directly elected by single-member constituencies known as congressional districts. Each state may draw the boundaries of its districts, subject to certain legal requirements; for instance, districts must have approximately equal populations. Representatives serve for two-year terms.



The Senate consists of 100 members, two representing each state regardless of population. A senator is elected not by a district, but by a state as a whole. Senators serve for terms of six years each; the terms are staggered so that approximately one-third of the Senate seats are up for election every two years and so that both seats from a given state are never contested in the same general election (except for the first election of Senators upon admission of a new state). The District of Columbia and the territories are not represented in the Senate in any manner.



The Constitution makes no provision for representation in Congress for citizens of the District of Columbia or the territories. Attempts to change the situation, regarding lack of District of Columbia voting rights, including the proposed District of Columbia Voting Rights Amendment, have been unsuccessful. Currently, the District of Columbia and the territories of American Samoa, Guam, and the U.S. Virgin Islands are represented by a single delegate each, while Puerto Rico elects a Resident Commissioner. Delegates and Resident Commissioners may participate in debates and vote in committees, but may not vote on the floor of the full House. Delegates serve for two-year terms; the Resident Commissioner serves for a four-year term.



Generally, the Republican and Democratic parties choose their candidates in primary elections. Ballot access rules for independent and third party candidates vary from state to state. General elections are held in every even-numbered year, on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November (Election Day). Special elections are held whenever vacancies arise; in the case of the Senate, however, the Governor of a state normally holds the power to temporarily appoint a senator until a special election can be held. In almost all cases, general and special elections are conducted by the first-past-the-post electoral system. Louisiana, however, uses runoff voting for congressional elections.



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Officers

The Constitution authorizes the House of Representatives to elect its own Speaker. The Speaker's powers as presiding officer are extensive; he or she controls the course of debate and enforces the rules of the House. Normally, the Speaker does not personally preside over debates; instead, the task is delegated to other members. The Speaker is also the head of the majority party, outranking the Majority Leader.



The Vice President of the United States is ex officio the President of the Senate; he or she has no vote except in the case of a tie. The Senate also elects a President pro tempore, or "temporary President," to preside when the Vice President is absent. The President pro tempore, by custom, is the most senior senator of the majority party. Neither the Vice President nor the President pro tempore regularly presides; instead, the duty is performed by other senators. The powers of the President pro tempore are much less extensive than those of the Speaker. He or she does not head the majority party in the Senate; rather, the Majority Leader is the full head of the Senate majority party.



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Women, ethnic and racial minorities

Main article: Demographics of the United States Congress

Congress has historically not reflected the full diversity of the United States. While the Constitution has never explicitly excluded persons from membership in Congress on the basis of race, ethnicity, or sex, state rules on suffrage have varied, and a person ineligible to vote is rarely considered eligible for public office. The early Congresses were composed largely of upper-class White men. This changed briefly during the Reconstruction (post-Civil War) era. Ratification of the Fourteenth and Fifteenth Amendments expanded the franchise to include former slaves and excluded former members of the government of the Confederate States of America from holding office. This combination permitted a number of African Americans to win seats.



This movement reversed when Reconstruction ended and Southern states began disenfranchising blacks through the use of Jim Crow laws. During the remainder of the 19th century, and into the 20th century, racial, economic, and ethnic prejudice in the rest of the country largely kept out non-Protestants and the new waves of immigrants from southern Europe. This slowly began to change in the 20th century as these groups gained more political clout. The Civil Rights Movement of the 1950s and 60s again enfranchised African-Americans, who gained more seats as a consequence.



Jeannette Rankin was the first woman elected to Congress, in 1916. Women could not vote or be elected in most of the United States until the Nineteenth Amendment was ratified in 1920. Rebecca Felton was the first woman to become a Senator in 1922, when she was appointed to fill a vacancy left by Georgia Senator Thomas E. Watson. As of 2004, there are 70 women serving the U.S. House and 14 in the U.S. Senate. This is the highest number of women to hold Congressional office at one time.



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Restrictions on office holding

Article I, Section 6, Clause 2 of the U.S. Constitution prohibits members of Congress from also holding a federal civil office, thus differentiating the U.S. from parliamentary systems where cabinet members are drawn from and continue to sit in the legislature. The same section also prohibits members from being appointed to offices created, or granted increased salary, during their term. This is intended to prevent the creation of sinecure positions.



The Constitution does not prohibit Representatives or Senators from simultaneously holding a state post. During the eighteenth century, some members of Congress did also serve as state legislators and other state officials. Such cross-federal dual office holding is now prohibited by state constitutions or statutes, or by general custom. It also does not explicitly prohibit a particular person from serving in both the House and Senate at the same time or, for that matter, from simultaneously holding two or more seats in the House of Representatives. However, no person has ever done so; a member holding a seat in one house has always resigned that seat before starting their term in the other house.



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Powers

Section 8 of Article One of the United States Constitution sets forth the powers of Congress. The most important powers are the powers to levy and collect taxes, borrow money, regulate commerce with foreign nations and among the states, coin money, establish post offices and post roads, issue patents and copyrights, fix standards of weights and measures, establish courts inferior to the Supreme Court, raise and maintain the armed forces, declare war, and "make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers".



There are additional powers other parts of the Constitution grant. For instance, Congress has the power to admit new states to the Union (Article Four). Other powers have been granted, or confirmed, by constitutional amendments.



Congress has the power to break deadlocks in the electoral college. If no presidential candidate achieves an electoral majority, the House may elect the President from the three candidates with the highest numbers of electoral votes. Similarly, if no vice presidential candidate achieves an electoral majority, the Senate may elect the Vice President from the two candidates with the highest numbers of electoral votes. Several of the members of the Constitutional Convention expected that, while George Washington would be overwhelmingly elected as first President under the Constitution, selection by the House would be the normal method after him.



The "necessary and proper clause" of the Constitution permits Congress to make "all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution" its other powers and the rest of the Constitution. The Supreme Court has interpreted the necessary and proper clause broadly, which has permitted the Congress wide authority.



One of the foremost non-legislative functions of the Congress is the power to investigate and to oversee the executive branch. This power is usually delegated to committees—standing committees, special committees, select committees, or joint committees composed of members of both houses. Investigations are conducted to gather information on the need for future legislation, to test the effectiveness of laws already passed, and to inquire into the qualifications and performance of members and officials of the other branches. Committees may hold hearings, and, if necessary, compel individuals to testify by issuing subpoenas. Witnesses who refuse to testify may be cited for contempt of Congress, and those who testify falsely may be charged with perjury. Most committee hearings are open to the public; important hearings are widely reported in the mass media.



Article I, Section 9 of the U.S. Constitution places certain limits of congressional authority. For instance, Congress may not suspend the privilege of the writ of habeas corpus (except in extreme cases of rebellion or invasion), pass bills of attainder or ex post facto laws, or grant titles of nobility. Several other restrictions are specified by constitutional amendments, especially the Bill of Rights. The last clause of the Bill of Rights, the Tenth Amendment, provides that "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."



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Checks and balances

The constitution provides certain checks and balances among the three branches of the federal government. The influence of Congress on the presidency has varied from one period to another; it depends largely on the leadership and the political influence of the President. The authors of the Constitution expected the greater power to lie with Congress and that is one reason they are described in Article One. Under the first half-dozen Presidents, power seems to have been evenly divided between the President and Congress, in part because early Presidents largely restricted their vetoes to claims of unconstitutionality.



Andrew Jackson (1829-37) dominated his Congresses; his successors were weaker men (excluding Abraham Lincoln (1861-65), and perhaps James K. Polk (1845-49) and Martin van Buren (1837-41)). Senators ruled, including Henry Clay, Daniel Webster, John C. Calhoun, Thomas Hart Benton, Stephen Douglas, and Thaddeus Stevens. The impeachment of Andrew Johnson completed this trend, making the presidency much less powerful than Congress. During the late nineteenth century, President Grover Cleveland aggressively attempted to restore the executive branch's power, vetoing over four hundred bills during his first term. The 20th and 21st centuries have seen the rise of the power of the Presidency under Theodore Roosevelt (1901-09), Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933-45), Richard Nixon (1969-74), Ronald Reagan (1981-89), and George W. Bush (2001–) (see Imperial Presidency). In recent years, Congress has restricted the powers of the President with laws such as the Congressional Budget and Impoundment Control Act of 1974 and the War Powers Resolution; nevertheless, the Presidency remains considerably more powerful than during the nineteenth century.



The Constitution empowers the House of Representatives to impeach federal officials (both executive and judicial) for "Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors." The Senate is constitutionally empowered to try all impeachments. A simple majority in the House is required to impeach an official; however, a two-thirds majority in the Senate is required for conviction. A convicted official is automatically removed from office; in addition, the Senate may stipulate that the defendant be banned from holding office in the future. Impeachment proceedings may not inflict more than this; however, the party may face criminal penalties in a normal court of law. In the history of the United States, the House of Representatives has impeached sixteen officials, of whom seven were convicted. (Another resigned before the Senate could complete the trial). Only two Presidents of the United States have ever been impeached: Andrew Johnson in 1868 and Bill Clinton in 1999. Both trials ended in acquittal; in Johnson's case, the Senate fell one vote short of the two-thirds majority required for conviction.



The Constitution entrusts certain powers to the Senate alone. The President may only appoint Cabinet officials, judges, and other high officers with the "advice and consent" of the Senate. The Senate confirms most presidential nominees, but rejections are not uncommon. Furthermore, treaties negotiated by the President must be ratified by a two-thirds majority vote in the Senate to take effect. The House of Representatives has no formal role in either the appointment of federal officials or the ratification of treaties.



The Constitution does not explicitly state that the courts may exercise judicial review (the power to strike down laws on the grounds of unconstitutionality). However, the notion that courts could declare laws unconstitutional was accepted by several delegates; for example, Alexander Hamilton mentioned and expounded the doctrine in Federalist No. 78. In 1803, the Supreme Court, established judicial review of Federal legislation in Marbury v. Madison; Marbury made the particular holding, however, that Congress could not grant unconstitutional power to the Court itself—the general power of judicial review was not exercised until the Dred Scott decision of 1857.



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Legislative procedure



The House Financial Services committee meets. Committee members sit in the tiers of raised chairs, while those testifying and audience members sit below.[edit]

Term

Under the Twentieth Amendment, congressional terms begin at noon on January 3 of every odd-numbered year. It is conventional to refer to each Congress by the ordinal number of its term. Thus, the current Congress (whose term lasts from 2005 to 2007) is known as the "109th Congress"; the previous Congress (whose term lasted from 2003 to 2005) was the "108th Congress," and so forth.



At the beginning of each new term, the entire House of Representatives and one-third of the Senate (those who were chosen in the election the previous November) are sworn in. The oath taken is provided by statute: "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God." The House of Representatives also elects a Speaker to preside over debates. The President pro tempore of the Senate, by contrast, holds office continuously; normally, a new President pro tempore is only elected if the previous one retires, or if there is a change in the majority party.



A term of Congress is divided into two "sessions," one for each year; Congress has occasionally also been called into an extra, (or special) session. (The Constitution requires Congress to meet at least once each year.) A new session commences on January 3 (or another date, if Congress so chooses) each year. Before the Twentieth Amendment, Congress met from the first Monday in December to April or May in the first session of their term (the "long session"); and from December to March 4 in the second "short session". (The new Congress would then meet for some days, for the inauguration, swearing in new members, and organization.)



The Constitution forbids either house from meeting any place outside the Capitol, or from adjourning for more than three days, without the consent of the other house. The provision was intended to prevent one house from thwarting legislative business simply by refusing to meet. To avoid obtaining consent during long recesses, the House or Senate may sometimes hold pro forma meetings, sometimes only minutes long, every three days. The consent of both bodies is required for Congress's final adjournment, or adjournment sine die, at the end of each congressional session. If the two houses cannot agree on a date, the Constitution permits the President to settle the dispute.



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Joint sessions

Main article: Joint session of the U.S. Congress

Joint Sessions of the United States Congress occur on special occasions that require a concurrent resolution from both House and Senate. These sessions include the counting of electoral votes following a Presidential election and the President's State of the Union address. Other meetings of both House and Senate are called Joint Meetings of Congress, held after unanimous consent agreements to recess and meet. Meetings of Congress for Presidential Inaugurations may also be Joint Sessions, if both House and Senate are in session at the time, otherwise they are formal joint gatherings.



At some time during the first two months of each session, the President customarily delivers the State of the Union Address, a speech in which he or she assesses the situation of the country and outlines his or her legislative proposals for the congressional session. The speech is modeled on the Speech from the Throne given by the British monarch, and is mandated by the Constitution of the United States. Thomas Jefferson discontinued the original practice of delivering the speech in person before both houses of Congress, deeming it too monarchical. Instead, Jefferson and his successors sent a written message to Congress each year. In 1913, President Woodrow Wilson reestablished the practice of personally attending to deliver the speech; few Presidents have deviated from this custom since.



Joint Sessions and Joint Meetings are traditionally presided over by the Speaker of the House. However, the Constitution requires the President of the Senate to preside over the counting of electoral votes.



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Bills and resolutions

A proposal may be introduced in Congress as a bill, a joint resolution, a concurrent resolution, or a simple resolution. Most legislative proposals are introduced as bills, but some are introduced as joint resolutions. There is little practical difference between the two, except that joint resolutions may include preambles but bills may not. Joint resolutions are the normal method used to propose a constitutional amendment or to declare war. On the other hand, concurrent resolutions (passed by both houses) and simple resolutions (passed by only one house) do not have the force of law. Instead, they serve to express the opinion of Congress, or to regulate procedure.



Members of Congress often introduce legislation at the behest of lobbyists. Lobbyists advocate the passage (or rejection) of bills affecting the interest of a particular group (such as a corporation or a labor union). In many cases, the lobbyists write legislation and submit it to a member for introduction. Congressional lobbyists are legally required to be registered in a central database, and are employed by political organizations, corporations, state governments, foreign governments, and numerous other groups. In 2005, there are almost 35,000 registered Congressional lobbyists, representing a doubling since 2000. Some of the most prominent lobbyists are ex-members of Congress, others are family members of sitting members. As an example, Dennis Hastert, Tom DeLay, and Roy Blunt all have immediate family members who are (or were) lobbyists.



Bills (and other proposals) may be introduced by any member of either house. However, the Constitution provides that: "All bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives." As a result, the Senate does not have the power to initiate bills imposing taxes. Furthermore, the House of Representatives holds that the Senate does not have the power to originate appropriation bills, or bills authorizing the expenditure of federal funds. Historically, the Senate has disputed the interpretation advocated by the House. However, whenever the Senate originates an appropriations bill, the House simply refuses to consider it, thereby settling the dispute in practice. Although it cannot originate revenue and appropriation bills, the Senate retains the power to amend or reject them.



Each bill goes through several stages in each house. The first stage involves consideration by a committee. Most legislation is considered by standing committees, each of which has jurisdiction over a particular subject matter, such as Agriculture or Appropriations. The House has twenty standing committees; the Senate has sixteen. In some cases, bills may be sent to select committees (which tend to have more narrow jurisdictions than standing committees. Each standing and select committee is led by a chairman (who belongs to the majority party) and a ranking member (who belongs to the minority party). Committees are permitted to hold hearings and collect evidence when considering bills. They may also amend the bill, but the full house holds the power to accept or reject committee amendments. After considering and debating a measure, the committee votes on whether it wishes to report the measure to the full house.



A decision not to report a bill amounts to a rejection of the proposal. Both houses provide for procedures under which the committee can be bypassed or overruled, but they are rarely used. If reported by the committee, the bill reaches the floor of the full house. The house may debate and amend the bill; the precise procedures used by the House of Representatives and the Senate differ. A final vote on the bill follows.



Central party discipline is not as strong in Congress as it is in parliamentary systems, and in the Senate it is weaker than in the House. However, the leadership does have certain powers to sway reluctant legistators to vote with the party. Party leaders derive most of their powers from the ability to fundraise, to control the flow of legislation, and to assign desirable positions; a rebel Congressman may be threatened with a cutoff of funds for his/her campaign, a reduction of pork for his/her district, thwarting of his/her pet legislation, and/or denial of a future committee chairmanship.



The party leadership may use the "catch and release" strategy in order to ensure the passage of important legislation with the support of reluctant members. The leaders "catch" a member, pressuring him or her to vote in favor of the legislation even if it is unpopular in the member's constituency. Then, if the bill has sufficient support to pass anyway, the member may be "released," that is, permitted to vote as he or she pleases. Hence, members may avoid alienating influential special interest groups, while remaining loyal to the party.



Once a bill is approved by one house, it is sent to the other, which may pass, reject, or amend it. In order for the bill to become law, both houses must agree to identical versions of the bill. If the second house amends the bill, then the differences between the two versions must be reconciled in a conference committee, an ad hoc committee that includes both senators and representatives. In many cases, conference committees have introduced substantial changes to bills and added unrequested spending, significantly departing from both the House and Senate versions. President Ronald Reagan once quipped, "If an orange and an apple went into conference consultations, it might come out a pear." If both houses agree to the version reported by the conference committee, the bill passes; otherwise, it fails.



After passage by both houses, a bill is submitted to the President. The President may choose to sign the bill, thereby making it law. The President may also choose to veto the bill, returning it to Congress with his or her objections. In such a case, the bill only becomes law if each house of Congress votes to override the veto with a two-thirds majority. Finally, the President may choose to take no action, neither signing nor vetoing the bill. In such a case, the Constitution states that the bill automatically becomes law after ten days (excluding Sundays). However, if Congress adjourns (ends a legislative session) during the ten day period, then the bill does not become law. Thus, the President may veto legislation passed at the end of a congressional session simply by ignoring it; the maneuver is known as a pocket veto, and cannot be overridden by the adjourned Congress.



Every Act of Congress or joint resolution begins with an enacting formula or resolving formula stipulated by law. These are:



Act of Congress: "Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled."

Joint resolution: "Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled."

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Quorum and voting

The Constitution specifies that a majority of members constitutes a quorum to do business in each house. The rules of each house provide that a quorum is assumed to be present unless a quorum call demonstrates the contrary. Representatives and senators rarely force the presence of a quorum by demanding quorum calls; thus, in most cases, debates continue even if a majority is not present.



Both houses use voice voting to decide most matters; members shout out "aye" or "no," and the presiding officer announces the result. The Constitution, however, requires a recorded vote on the demand of one-fifth of the members present. If the result of the voice vote is unclear, or if the matter is controversial, a recorded vote usually ensues. The Senate uses roll call votes; a clerk calls out the names of all the senators, each senator stating "aye" or "no" when his or her name is announced. The House reserves roll call votes for the most formal matters; normally, members vote by electronic device. In the case of a tie, the motion in question fails. In the Senate, the Vice President may (if present) cast the tiebreaking vote.



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Privileges

Under the Constitution, members of both houses enjoy the privilege of being free from arrest in all cases, except for treason, felony, and breach of the peace. This immunity applies to members "during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same." The term "arrest" has been interpreted broadly, and includes any detention or delay in the course of law enforcement, including court summons and subpoenas. The rules of the House very strictly guard this privilege; a member may not waive the privilege on his or her own, but must seek the permission of the whole house to do so. Senate rules, on the other hand, are less strict, and permit individual senators to waive the privilege as they see fit.



The Constitution also guarantees absolute freedom of debate in both houses, providing, "for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place." Hence, a member of Congress may not be sued for slander because of remarks made in either house. However, each house has its own rules restricting offensive speeches, and may punish members who transgress them.



Obstructing the work of Congress is a crime under federal law, and is known as contempt of Congress. Each house of Congress has the power to cite individuals for contempt, but may not impose any punishment. Instead, after a house issues a contempt citation, the judicial system pursues the matter like a normal criminal case. If convicted in court, an individual found guilty of contempt of Congress may be imprisoned for up to one year.



Aside from benefits directly facilitating their legislative work, members enjoy a number of other perks. As of 2005 rank and file Congressmen received a salary of $158,100. Congressional leaders are paid even more. Members are granted several free Capitol parking spaces and are exempt from parking tickets through the use of special license plates. Facilities such as private gymnasiums, low cost barbers, and subsidized dining areas are provided as well as access to the services of a permanent bureaucracy. They are also able to substitute their signature for postage allowing them to send large quantities of mail at a reduced cost.





Another privilege is the use of the Library of Congress. The Library's primary mission is to serve the Congress and its staff. To do this, the Congressional Research Service provides detailed, up-to-date and non-partisan research for Senators, Representatives, and their staff to help them carry out their functions as national servants.



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Member groups

Some, but not all of the self-defined unofficial caucuses of members



Congressional Black Caucus

Congressional Hispanic Caucus

Congressional Asian Pacific American Caucus

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See also

List of United States Congresses

Current members: House of Representatives

Current members: Senate

Demographics of the United States Congress

Library of Congress

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References

Baker, Ross K. (2000). House and Senate, 3rd ed. New York: W. W. Norton. (Procedural, historical, and other information about both houses)

Berg-Andersson, Richard E. (2001). Explanation of the types of Sessions of Congress (Term of Congress)

Berman, Daniel M. (1964). In Congress Assembled: The Legislative Process in the National Government. London: The Macmillan Company. (Legislative procedure)

Davidson, Roger H., and Walter J. Oleszek. (1998). Congress and Its Members, 6th ed. Washington DC: Congressional Quarterly. (Legislative procedure, informal practices, and other information)

Herrick, Rebekah. (2001). "Gender effects on job satisfaction in the House of Representatives." Women and Politics, 23 (4), 85–98.

Hunt, Richard. (1998). "Using the Records of Congress in the Classroom," OAH Magazine of History, 12 (Summer): 34–37.

Imbornoni, Ann-Marie, David Johnson, and Elissa Haney. (2005). "Famous Firsts by American Women." Infoplease.

Lee, Frances and Bruce Oppenheimer. (1999). Sizing Up the Senate: The Unequal Consequences of Equal Representation. University of Chicago Press: Chicago. (Equal representation in the Senate)

Rimmerman, Craig A. (1990). "Teaching Legislative Politics and Policy Making." Political Science Teacher, 3 (Winter): 16–18.

Ritchie, Donald A. (1997). "What Makes a Successful Congressional Investigation." OAH Magazine of History, 11 (Spring): 6–8. (Congressional investigations and committee hearings)

Story, Joseph. (1891). Commentaries on the Constitution of the United States. (2 vols). Boston: Brown & Little. (History, constitution, and general legislative procedure)

Wilson, Woodrow. (1885). Congressional Government. New York: Houghton Mifflin.

Some information in this article has been provided by the Senate Historical Office.

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External links

Congresspedia

U.S. House of Representatives

U.S. Senate

Thomas Legislative Information via Library of Congress

Teaching about the U.S. Congress via U.S. Department of Education

FirstGov, a research tool for the U.S. Government

GovTrack.us

United States Congress — (House of Representatives, Senate)

Members House: Current, Former, Districts | Senate: Current, Former, Current & Former by state

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Leaders House: Speaker, Majority leader, Minority leader, Democratic leader, Republican leader, Majority whip, Minority whip, Democratic whip, Republican whip, Democratic caucus, Republican conference, Dean

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Answer 10

Yo Mamma's so fat when I have sex with her I have to slap her *** and ride the wave in.





Yo Mamma's so fat when she put high heels she struct oil!





Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up





Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.





Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise





Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone





Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors





Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her...





Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world





Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy





Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!





Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"





Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"





Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized





Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway





Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller





Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets





Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th





Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"





Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!





Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"





Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.





Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.





Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.





Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!





Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!





Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!





Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...





Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.





Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!





Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!





Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!





Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!





Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.





Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!





Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!





Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!





Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!





Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!





Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!





Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!





Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!





Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!





Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!





Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!





Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!





Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!





Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!





Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!





Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!





Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!





Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!





Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.





Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"





Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!





Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!





Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th





Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too





Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please





Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!





Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!





Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.





Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.





Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping





Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.





Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.





Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.





Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.





Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.





Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.





Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.





Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.





Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.





Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.





Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!





Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.





Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her





Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.





Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.





Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.





Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family





Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through





Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.





Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.





Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.





Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.





Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!





Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.





Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water





Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out





Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth





Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures





Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.





Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.





Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.





Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.





Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.





Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....





Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.





Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.





Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.





Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.





Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.





Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"





Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!





Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.





Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.







Yo mama so fat, she put on a red outfit and people mistaked her for the Kool-Aid man.





yo mamma so fat she plays frisbee with ufo's





Yo mamma so fat, someone tries to take a picture of her with a digital camera and it read "Not Enough Space"





Yo mamma so fat her belt size is equator!





Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday!





Yo mamma so fat, she has all the caterers on speed dial!





Yo mamma so fat, she plays pool with the planets!





Yo mamma so fat, she say on a rainbow and skittles popped out!





Yo mamma fo fat, she bit into a school bus and said where's the cream filling.





yo mamma so fat she sat on a skittle and a rainbow popped out.





yo mamma so fat she sat on a dollar and made change. yo mamma so fat she went to 7/11 and didn't come back till 12:15.





yo mamma so fat i ran around her twice and I got lost.





yo mamma so fat when she wears a pink shirt people say "Look it's a giant Starburst".





yo mamma so fat she sat on the Bible and Jesus popped out.





yo mamma so fat she sat on the Bible and Moses popped out.



yo mamma so old when she was a kid there was no old spice, it was called baby spice.



yo mama so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade



yo mamma so old she pee'd the great lakes!



Yo mama's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.





Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.





Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.





Yo mama's so old, she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.





Yo mama's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.





Yo mama's so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.





Yo mama's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.





Yo mama's so old, her memory is in black and white.





Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.





Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.





Yo mama's so old, she baby-sat for Jesus.





Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 1.





Yo mama's so old, when the police asked her for her ID, she gave them a rock.





Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired.





Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate is in Roman numerals.





Yo mama's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs.





Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.





Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.





Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.





Yo mama's so old, she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.





Yo mama's so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.





Yo mama's so old, she owes Jesus a nickel.





Yo mama's so old, she owes Moses a quarter.





Yo mama's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.





Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.





Yo mama's so old, when God said "Let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.





Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.





Yo mama's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces.





Yo mama's so old, she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.





Yo mama's so old, she planted the first tree at Central Park.





Yo mama's so old, her birthday expired.





Yo mama's so old, she has Adam & Eve's autographs.





Yo mama's so old, she got slapped by Eve for blowing Adam.





Yo mama's so old, she took friendship pictures with Adam & Eve.





Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.





Yo mama's so old, she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.





Yo mama's so old, she has an autographed bible.





Yo mama's so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.





Yo mama's so old, she farts out mummy dust.





Yo mama's so old, she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.





Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.





Yo mama's so old, she knew Cap'n Crunch while he was still a private.





Yo mama's so old & ugly, her name is Ape.





Yo mama's so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white.





Yo mama's so old, she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight.





Yo mama's so old and fat that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat *** out of the way.





Yo mama's so old, she watches PBS.





Yo mama's so old, she's got a pair of Air Moses sneakers.





Yo mama's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.





Yo mama's so old, when I slapped her on the back her **** fell off.





Yo Mamma So Old she wore air Jesus'.





Yo Mamma's so old, her boobs look like bungie chords.



Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!





Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.





Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.





Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.





Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!





Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.





Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.





Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.





Yo mama's so ugly, well.. look at you!





Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like you.





Yo mama's so ugly, she could only be Yo mama.





Yo mama's so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.





Yo mama's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."





Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.





Yo mama's so ugly, when the terminator said "I'll be back" he left running.





Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory.





Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks.





Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.





Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a track cleat.





Yo mama's so ugly, she's uugly. I had to add another u `cause u is ugly too!





Yo Mamma is so ugly, even a blind man wouldn't have sex with her.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail-order.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, her pillow cries at night.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, her shadow quit.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, her face is closed on weekends!





Yo Mamma is so ugly, Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, even the tide won't come back in.





Yo Mamma is so ugly, even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she got in the tub, the water jumped out.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."





Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she masturbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor looked at her ***, then her face, and said "Twins!"





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor smacked everyone.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, her mama saw the afterbirth and said "Twins."





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped her and her parents.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor smacked the wrong end.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.





Yo mama's so ugly, when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!"





Yo mama's so ugly, when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.





Yo mama's so ugly, when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!"





Yo mama's so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.





Yo mama's so ugly, yo dad first met her at the pound.





Yo mama's so ugly, yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time.





Yo mama's so ugly, yo father takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye.





Yo mama's so ugly, yo father's breath smells like **** 'cause he'd rather kiss her ***.





Yo mama's so ugly, you could stick her face in dough and make monster cookies.





Yo mama's so ugly, your real pops could only be a ******' dog.





yo mamma so ugly she's like a criss cross between male and female





yo mammas so ugly, she has to sneak up on a glass of water.





yo mammas so ugly, she stuck her face out the window and got arrested for mooning



Yo mama's so stupid, she peals M&M's to make chocolate chip cookies.





Yo mama's so stupid, she uses Old Spice for cooking.





Yo mama's so stupid, she threw a rock the ground and missed.





Yo mama's so stupid, her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.





Yo mama's so stupid, she sat on the TV & watched the couch.





Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought St. Ides was a Catholic church.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought St. Ides was an island in the Caribbean.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.





Yo mama's so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.





Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.





Yo mama's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.





Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.





Yo mama's so stupid, she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone."





Yo mama's so stupid, her shirt says TGIF- **** go in first.





Yo mama's so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.





Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.





Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Froot Loop.





Yo mama's so stupid, when they said they were playing craps she went and got toilet paper.





Yo mama's so stupid, when I asked her if she wanted to play one on one, she said "Ok, but what's the teams?"





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to melt squeeze Parkay.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.





Yo mama's so stupid, she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.





Yo mama's so stupid, I said give me a quarterback and she gave me Dan Marino.





Yo mama's so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.





Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change.





Yo mama's so stupid, she ran outside with a purse because she heard there was change in the weather.





Yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.





Yo mama's so stupid, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.





Yo mama's so stupid, she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses.





Yo mama's so stupid, when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the internet was something you catch fish with.





Yo mama's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to mail a letter with food stamps.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.





Yo mama's so stupid, when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."





Yo mama's so stupid, she went to Burger King and thought she was a queen.





Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.





Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."





Yo mama's so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.





Yo mama's so stupid, she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.





Yo mama's so stupid, when asked what a pronoun was, she said a noun that gets paid.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!





Yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.





Yo mama's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too."





Yo mama's so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K."





Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.





Yo mama's so stupid, you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got a part time job painting skittles.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.





Yo mama's so stupid, she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the bix.





Yo mama's so stupid, you can make her eyes twinkle by shining light in her ears.





Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she went by the YMCA she said "Hey, they spelled MACY's wrong."





Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.





Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like this... Vroom, Screech, Vroom, Screech.





Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.





Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.





Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kinda jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levis?"





Yo mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.





Yo mama's so stupid, she said "what's that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I wanna know".





Yo mama's so stupid, she took lessons for a player piano.





Yo mama's so stupid, she stands up on an empty bus.





Yo mama's so stupid, the ***** snuck on the bus and paid to get off.





Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a blood test and failed.





Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama's..."





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought meow mix was a record for cats.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on soul train.





Yo mama's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight.





Yo mama's so stupid, when I asked her about X-Men she said "Sure, there's Harry my first baby daddy, Willy the guy I see on Thursdays..."





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.





Yo mama's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Wu-Tang is an orange flavored drink.





Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.





Yo mama's so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.





Yo mama's so stupid, her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.





Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.





Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.





Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.





Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.





Yo mama's so stupid, she married Yo daddy.





Yo mama's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.





Yo mama's so stupid, she gave your uncle a ******* 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from a ********.





Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.





Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the ***** since.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.





Yo mama's so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door.





Yo mama's so stupid, when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.





Yo mama's so stupid, she used a vibrator for an egg beater.





Yo mama's so stupid, she wiped her *** before she took a ****.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.





Yo mama's so stupid, she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.





Yo mama's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911".





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample.





Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album.





Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Trak Auto is where you get hair weaves for your car.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.





Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."





Yo mama's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.





Yo mama's so stupid, she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got on her knees to drink her "Nehi" peach drink.





Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Thiland was a men's clothing store.





Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.





Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.





Yo mama's so stupid, she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.





Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.





Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.





Yo mama's so stupid, she fell up the stairs.





Yo mama's so stupid, she went on Double Dare and when they asked her name she said "I think I'll take the physical challenge."





Yo Mamma So Stupid, she tripped over a cell phone





Yo mama's so poor, when I rang the doorbell she leaned out the window and said "DING!"





Yo mama's so poor, the mat on her front porch says "Wel "





Yo mama's so poor, I saw her doing headspins on a Cheerios box in front of Goodwill for a piece of Wonder bread.





Yo mama's so poor, she's got more furniture on her porch than in her house.





Yo mama's so poor, she has to wear her McDonald's uniform to church.





Yo mama's so poor, she has to do drive-by shootings on the bus.





Yo mama's so poor, I asked her what's for dinner and she pulled out a gun and said "Next one who moves!"





Yo mama's so poor, when I was taking family portraits for you and said "Cheese!" she went looking for the line.





Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Ain't you ever seen a mobile home?"





Yo mama's so poor, I saw her wrestling a squirrel for a peanut.





Yo mama's so poor, the closest thing to a car she has is a low-rider shopping cart with a box on it.





Yo mama's so poor, she can't even put her two cents in this conversation.





Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said "Hey miss, lost a shoe?" she said "Nope, just found one!"





Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."





Yo mama's so poor, her BOSS pants are unemployed.





Yo mama's so poor, I lit a match in her house and the roaches started singing "Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord 'cause we got heat!"





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, two roaches tripped me and a rat stole my wallet.





Yo mama's so poor, I went to her house and tore down some cob webs, and she said "Who's tearing down the drapes?"





Yo mama's so poor, the bank repossesed her cardboard box.





Yo mama's so poor, she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.





Yo mama's so poor, she sits on the corner with a bunch of roaches singin' "We are family!"





Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her rolling some trash cans around in an alley, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Remodeling."





Yo mama's so poor, I threw a rock at a trash can and she popped out and said "Who knocked?"





Yo mama's so poor, I saw her shaking a can around and asked her what she was doing and she said "Redecorating."





Yo mama's so poor, I came over for dinner and saw 3 beans on the table, I took one and she said "Don't be greedy."





Yo mama's so poor, I came over for dinner and she read me recipes.





Yo mama's so poor, she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.





Yo mama's so poor, she has to take the trash IN.





Yo mama's so poor, she lives in a two story Dorrito bag with a dog named Chip.





Have you heard the story about the old lady that lived in a shoe? Well Yo mama is so poor, she lives in a flip flop.





Yo mama's so poor, I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard.





Yo mama's so poor, her front and back doors are on the same hinge.





Yo mama's so poor, I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.





Yo mama's so poor, her doormat doesn't say "Welcome," it says "Welfare."





Yo mama's so poor, when I stepped on her doormat she said "Hey, you can't go upstairs."





Yo mama's so poor, I stepped on her skateboard and she said "Hey, get off the car!"





Yo mama's so poor, I went into her house and saw a bunch of cockroaches sittin' around the toilet singin' "We are family!"





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and stepped on a cigarette butt and she said, "Hey, who turned off the heater?"





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and swatted a firefly and Yo Mama said, "Who turned off the lights?"





Yo mama's so poor, I went into her house and flushed a cockroach down the toilet and she said, "Hey, where'd Grandma go?"





Yo mama's so poor, when I went to use her bathroom, I saw a roach sitting on a Pepsi can talkin' `bout "Wait your turn!"





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she gave me two sticks. I asked her what the sticks were for and she said "One's to hold up the ceiling, the other is to fight off the roaches."





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "3rd tree to your right."





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she handed me a shovel and said "May the force be with you."





Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "Two buckets to your left."





Yo mama's so poor, she watches TV on an Etch-A-Sketch.





Yo mama's so poor, your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.





Yo mama's so poor, they put her picture on food stamps.





Yo mama's so poor, she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it airconditioning.





Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.





Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.





Yo mama's so poor, when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps.





Yo mama's so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.





Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.





Yo mama's so poor, when I went over to her house for dinner and grabbed a paper plate, she said "Don't use the good china!"





Yo mama's so poor, she married young just to get the rice!





Yo mama's so poor, burglars break in and leave money.





Yo mama's so poor, people rob her house for practice.





Yo mama's so poor, the only time she smelled hot food was when a rich man farted!





Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford free cookies from the supermarket.





Yo mama's so poor, when Yo family watches TV, they go to Sears.





Yo mama's so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.





Yo mama's so poor, she put a thirstbuster on layaway with food stamps.





Yo mama's so poor, she put free samples on layaway.





Yo mama's so poor, she got arrested for breaking the gum-ball machine because it didn't take food-stamps.





Yo mama’s so poor, I walked into her house, asked what was for dinner, so she lit my pockets on fire and said "Hot Pockets."





Yo mama's so poor, she has a wooden beeper and when it goes off, it goes (Now you knock on something wood)





Yo mama's so poor, when I sat on the couch a roach said "Get the hell off! I pay rent."





Yo mama's so poor, when I asked what was for dinner, she pulled her shoelaces off and said "Spagetti."





Yo mama's so poor, after I pissed in your yard, she thanked me for watering the lawn.





Yo mama's so poor, even the republicans were willing to give her welfare.





Yo mama's so po, she can't even afford the last two letters.



yo momma so when she saw a penny on the floor she said "son we won the lottery"







Yo Mamma's so poor, she found a lit cigarette on the ground, and said, "Hey Kids claps your and stomp your feet, praise the lord we got come heat!"