Psychiatric hotline - RING RING RING -?

Question

“Welcome to Psychiatric hotline…

If you are obsessive compulsive please press 1 repeatedly…

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multi-personalities, please press 3,4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what
you want – just stay on the line so that we can trace the call…

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press….

If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.”

Answer 1

You've been reading my diary or talking to my shrink or my wife or my neighbours or the rest of my family it doesn't really matter who, you're spying on me and I don't like it so please stop..............

Answer 2

HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE MENTAL HEALTH HELPLINE.



IF YOU ARE AN OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE, PRESS 1 REPEATEDLY



IF YOU ARE CO-DEPENDENT, ASK SOMEONE TO PRESS 2 FOR YOU.



IF YOU HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES PRESS 345 & 6



IF YOU ARE PARANOID, WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT, STAY ON THE LINE AND WE’LL TRACE YOUR CALL



IF YOU ARE SCHIZOPHRENIC LISTEN CAREFULLY AND A SMALL VOICE WILL TELL

YOU WHICH NUMBER TO PRESS



IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH NUMBER YOU PRESS, NO-ONE WILL ANSWER YOU



IF YOU ARE DYSLEXIC PRESS 69 69 69 69



IF YOU ARE DELUSIONAL PRESS 7 AND YOUR CALL WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO THE MOTHER SHIP



IF YOU HAVE A NERVOUS DISPOSITION PLEASE FIDGET WITH THE HASH KEY UNTIL THE BEEP, AFTER THE BEEP PLEASE WAIT FOR THE BEEP



IF YOU HAVE SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS, PLEASE TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN LATER



AND IF YOU HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM, HANG UP, ALL OUR OPERATORS ARE TOO BUSY

Answer 3

Hello I liked your joke. A good one. lol

Answer 4

I likey!....I called one once and when they asked how I was doing, I told them "your the psychic, you tell me!" and then they hung up....(I guessed they were phony). The call was free anyway.

Answer 5

lmao

heard it before, but still hilarious xD



wasn't there more of the joke than that though?

Answer 6

Heard this b4,but it's still funny!

Answer 7

lol i like that one! Gonna send it to a couple of friends thanks for the laugh lol

Answer 8

Lol... I loved that.

Thank you!