A Good Guess
Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?"
1st nun : "Adam and Eve"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?" 2nd nun : "An apple" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
And finally it came the turn of the last nun. St. Paul : "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?"
After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that''s a hard one!" The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates
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Bill Gates, Andrew Grove from Intel and Jerry Sanders from AMD are having a conference.
Suddenly Bill Gates starts to talk to his watch... Grove and Sanders are surprised.
"Thats the new telephone feature from Microsoft at Work it comes with Windows96" describes Bill Gates.
Five minutes later Andy Groves interrupts the conference. "Sorry, it's a call" and starts to talk very silent. "That's the newest Intel-Product. A satellite-telephone in my tooth."
Just a few seconds later, he lets out a loud fart: "Give me some paper ! I'm receiving a fax !
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Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
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Used to be a man who owned a bar out in the middle of nowhere. Not too many people came to the bar, so he was trying to think of a good gimmick to get people to come. It so happened he was watching T.V. at the time and the parade for the circus was on. As the elephants went by he remembered reading somewhere that elephants don''t laugh. He went down to the circus and inquired about buying an elephant. It just so happened that there was an elderly elephant bull that the circus was planning to retire. After agreeing on a price, the man bought the elephant. Back at the bar the man put a large jar on the bar with a sign reading: "Make the elephant laugh, $5.00 a shot, win $5,000."
Well, a lot of people thought they could make the elephant laugh, and soon the jar was almost full. Then one night a man walked in and said to the bar owner, "I hear you will give any one who can make the elephant laugh $5,000." "Yeah, he''s out back"
After about five minutes tremendous, deep, thundering laughter could be heard coming from behind the bar. Every one in the bar raced back to see what was going on. When they got there the elephant was LAUGHING!!! The man could not believe his eyes. But, a bet was a bet after all and he paid the stranger who had made the elephant laugh.
A few weeks later and the elephant was still laughing. The bar owner could not stand it any more so he put a sign on the bar reading: "Make the elephant cry, $5.00 a shot, win $5,000." Again, a lot of people tried and tried, but they could not get the elephant to stop laughing. Finally the man who had gotten the elephant to laugh in the first place walked in. Upon seeing the sign, he inquired if anybody had had any luck in stopping the elephant from laughing. Seeing as no one had, he once more went back behind the bar to see the elephant.
In less than a minute a wail of grief cascaded over the bar. All the patrons ran out to see what was up. The elephant had huge tears running down its cheeks. Once again a bet was a bet and the bar owner paid the man. Before the man could leave, the bar owner asked how he had gotten the elephant to laugh and then to cry.
"Easy." said the man, "When I first went back there I told him my dick was bigger than his. And now I just proved it."
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