this isn't a joke but can you be bothered?

Question

to make up a poem about me and my darling Jon Bonjovi.
It could get you 10 points.
But no dissing him. I love him. My name is Christine
no insulting him please. i want an original poem. no roses are red rubbish, ok..

Answer 1

to Christine W Jon`s the best

he`ll always be above the rest

she doesn't care that this lot thinks

that he`s no good an his music stinks

Jonbons been her idol for so many years

his voice sweet like honey to her ears

Hes like a Greek God in her eyes

And always will be till she dies

Answer 2

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.



Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message Jon Bon Jovi is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.



He was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love for me Christine would last for ever: I was wrong.



The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Answer 3

There I stood at the golden gate

my head was bent and low

I merely asked that man of fate

which way I had to go



What have you done St. Peter asked

to seek admission here

I been in love with Jon Bonjovi

for many and many a year



As St. Peter opened wide the gate

he gazed on me as well

come in and choose a harp said he

your life must have been hell, DOH

Answer 4

in the light of the stage,

i see you rage,

it comes out as notes or harmony,

the light seems to dim,

till only one spot light blazes,

with the smoke from the pryro,s hazing,

its like im in a dream,

with john pointing at me,

christine i say to myself,

could this be real, do i need help?

but no wait it is,

i bought the tickets last week when i was hanging out with josh, joe and biz,

oh my this is so cool,

i get to go up there,

i hope i diont fall ill look like a fool,

im so nervous, my hand twitches,

he grabs it then he lifts me,

on to tht wonder of magic and glee,

oh my jesus im singing with mr. john bonjovi,

oh glee and flow,

im up here doing a duet,

oh wow, this is my day,

im so happy i dont know what to say.

Answer 5

Christine's a wacko

who's just outgrown jacko

and fancies bon jovi instead

she went to a party and acted all tarty

and's now giving jonboy some head.



I know you wanted a poem, but the best I could do was a rude limerick.

Answer 6

jon bonjovi went walking 1 day,

got so thirsty along the way.

he spotted christine and said oohlala,

he said help me help me please ma.

he fell down on his knees,

and said marry me please.

she said yes oh yes i surely will,

he carried her up a big steep hill.

and then they had a family of three,

a little girl named cheree.

afew yrs later a boy named bill,

they lived in peace as in god;s will.

Answer 7

to my dear sweet love christine

u are my angel of angels,

my queen of queens,

i love u forever and all in between



to jon bonjovi

u are my leader of leaders

my king of kings

write christine a poem or ull soon be gone

Answer 8

...................Christine.........................



Living in a dream, with my girl Christine,

she's got long dark hair, and she's dirty and clean.

She doesn't think i know, when we're all alone.

With my music in her head, and her body in the zone.



One day it's gonna happen, like a wise man said.

Wanna be the one beside you, as you laying on your bed.

So close your pretty eyes, when your on your own.

And your hands are sure to find the place, that we have known.



Christine x

Answer 9

My darling Jon Bon, I love you so much

My special ladies area, i want you to touch



No fumbling about, stop making me titter

Get straight to it, and pop it up my shitter!

Answer 10

ooh Faye, you tried to be sooooo clever but failed to realise that music is subjective so you can't be right or wrong, still nice try.

Answer 11

Now, I don’t often exercise my prerogative in such a way and use these pages to vent my frustration nor spit venom at one person or one group of people in particular, but there is one little clan of people I have developed a severe hatred against.



Bon Jovi.



Yep, that’s right, friends, I hate the ****-rock rubbish that is spouted by the cheesy eighties throwback band, fronted by the demi-waved, broad-grinning crotch thrusting balladeer that is Jon Bon Jovi. And it’s gotten particularly on my nerves recently as a number of fans of this so-called group have been trying to ram down my throat how ‘fantastic’ they are.



Of course, when I’ve tried to answer to the contrary, these ‘fans’, instead of pursuing intellectual argument or discussing it intelligently, have each resorted to childlike sulks or tantrums, rather like their heroes probably would if someone were to point out some home truths to them at any point.



You see, Bon Jovi, as an artistic outlay, have produced very little of note. Their songs (most of which are about that mundane old topic ‘love’) are hardly works of composite genius, the musicianship is standard and far from creative, and their general image (as I have mentioned already) is far from unique, or even visually pleasing. On occasions it has been hilarious. It was, even in its time, a very unoriginal look. Indeed, the tight spandex pants and the huge hair was sported by almost EVERY fourth-rate ****-rock band of the eighties. Fortunately, most of the others had the decency to curl up and die of embarrassment when the nineties rolled in. Not the BJ’s though (an apt acronym, don’t you think, for a set of **** suckers!)



Yep, Bon Jovi have never produced a song or album which could be described as ‘great’, nor officially recognised by any artistic bodies of any note in such a way.



Indeed, in 2003, Channel Four (who are, believe it or not, highly regarded in the modern arts world) compiled a list of the 100 greatest albums ever. The list was put together by a panel of experts from the music industry and the great British public in a nationally produced poll. And guess what, BJ fans? Bon Jovi are not on the list! Here’s your proof:







THE 100 GREATEST ALBUMS

1. RADIOHEAD - OK Computer



2. U2 - The Joshua Tree



3. NIRVANA - Nevermind



4. MICHAEL JACKSON - Thriller



5. PINK FLOYD - Dark Side of the Moon



6. OASIS - Definitely Maybe



7. THE BEATLES - Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band



8. MADONNA - Like a Prayer



9. GUNS N' ROSES - Appetite For Destruction



10. THE BEATLES - Revolver



11. R.E.M. - Automatic for the People



12. THE BEATLES - The White Album



13. QUEEN - A Night at the Opera



14. COLDPLAY - Parachutes



15. OASIS - (What's the Story) Morning Glory



16. ALANIS MORISSETTE - Jagged Little Pill



17. LED ZEPPELIN - Led Zeppelin IV



18. THE VERVE - Urban Hymns



19. JIMI HENDRIX - Are you Experienced



20. THE SMITHS - The Queen Is Dead



21. JOHN LENNON - Imagine



22. RADIOHEAD - The Bends



23. BOB MARLEY AND THE WAILERS - Exodus



24. THE STONE ROSES - The Stone Roses



25. SIMON AND GARFUNKEL - Bridge Over Troubled Water



26. BJORK - Debut



27. THE DOORS - The Doors



28. ABBA - Arrival



29. MICHAEL JACKSON - Off the Wall



30. DURAN DURAN - Rio



31. SEX PISTOLS - Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols



32. DAVID BOWIE - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars



33. THE BEACH BOYS - Pet Sounds



34. JOY DIVISION - Closer



35. THE ROLLING STONES - Let It Bleed



36. BLUR - Parklife



37. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN - Born to Run



38. BILLIE HOLIDAY - Lady Sings the Blues



39. THE WHITE STRIPES - Elephant



40. BLACK SABBATH - Paranoid



41. THE SPECIALS - Specials



42. THE ROLLING STONES - Exile on Main Street



43. FRANK SINATRA - Songs for Swingin' Lovers!



44. THE CLASH - London Calling



45. THE PRODIGY - The Fat of the Land



46. THE VELVET UNDERGROUND - The Velvet Underground and Nico



47. DIRE STRAITS - Brothers in Arms



48. PIXIES - Doolittle



49. ARETHA FRANKLIN - I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You



50. THE LIBERTINES - The Libertines



51. HAPPY MONDAYS - Pills 'N' Thrills and Bellyaches



52. PATTI SMITH - Horses



53. THE WHO - Tommy



54. LOU REED - Transformer



55. BOB DYLAN - Blood on the Tracks



56. PRINCE - Sign 'o' the Times



57. DIDO - No Angel



58. AIR - Moon Safari



59. ELTON JOHN - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road



60. THE JAM - All Mod Cons



61. JEFF BUCKLEY - Grace



62. FLEETWOOD MAC - Rumours



63. MOBY - Play



64. RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS - Blood Sugar Sex Magik



65. THE POLICE - Synchronicity



66. JONI MITCHELL - Blue



67. CURTIS MAYFIELD - Superfly



68. ELVIS PRESLEY - The Sun Sessions



69. OUTKAST - Speakerboxxx/The Love Below



70. PULP - Different Class



71. KRAFTWERK - Trans-Europe Express



72. MASSIVE ATTACK - Blue Lines



73. BECK - Odelay



74. STEVIE WONDER - Songs in the Key of Life



75. KATE BUSH - Hounds of Love



76. TALKING HEADS - Fear of Music



77. EMINEM - The Marshall Mathers LP



78. MARVIN GAYE - What's Going On



79. GEORGE MICHAEL - Faith



80. SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER - The Original Movie Soundtrack



81. PRIMAL SCREAM - Screamadelica



82. JOHN COLTRANE - A Love Supreme



83. LOVE - Forever Changes



84. PAUL SIMON - Graceland



85. NICK DRAKE - Five Leaves Left



86. MEAT LOAF - Bat Out of Hell



87. DUSTY SPRINGFIELD - Dusty in Memphis



88. DE LA SOUL - 3 Feet High and Rising



89. THE STROKES - Is this It



90. MADNESS - One Step Beyond...



91. ROBBIE WILLIAMS - I've Been Expecting You



92. NEIL YOUNG - After the Gold Rush



93. PUBLIC ENEMY - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back



94. BLONDIE - Parallel Lines



95. THE EAGLES - Hotel California



96. JAMES BROWN - Sex Machine



97. THE STREETS - A Grand Don't Come for Free



98. DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS - Searching for the Young Soul Rebels



99. ROD STEWART - Every Picture Tells a Story



100.The HUMAN LEAGUE - Dare!



Source: Channel 4



Of course, there are many other ‘Top 100 Albums’ lists, but I have yet to find ANY which have a Bon Jovi album on them (perhaps there may be a Top 100 Albums by third-rate unoriginal ****-rock bands, but I haven’t come across it). If anyone knows otherwise, please send me a link.



But is anybody actually shocked by this revelation? Does anybody truly believe that Bon Jovi have produced ANY kind of work worthy to join with all the other pieces of creative originality in this list. Of course not.



Don’t get me wrong- Bon Jovi are very competent, standard balladeers, but they have NEVER done anything remotely groundbreaking. They are not politically active, their songs are not anthemic or a call to arms, nor even that original.



The arrogance of the fans who think they are one of the greatest bands ever needs to be knocked out of them. They’re not. Not by a long shot. They are mundane and unoriginal. They are nothing fresh, they don’t sound very unique, and their concerts exude more cheese than the Wensleydale Dairy. They are a very standard band, and I just wish their fans who go on about how great they are, would realise this.



Here’s proof of how unoriginal they are; the following is an excerpt from an article on www.answers.com (simply type in Bon Jovi in the question bar).



“Bon Jovi skilfully employed professional songwriters to give their songs, especially their power ballads, an appropriately commercial sheen.”



Yes, they employed professional writers- so don’t come telling me that they write all their own material because that is WRONG! If this isn’t the case, then why haven’t the band sued answers.com for publishing misleading information which is derogatory about them? And if you want to check further, one of the professional songwriters they hired was called Desmond Child. Look it up.



Oh, and this plastic, pathetic excuse for a ‘band’ even needed a vocal coach for the lead singer when they toured in 1986- it seemed Jon Bon Jovi couldn’t manage the songs without further professional assistance! How much more embarrassing can a band get?



The article on answers.com then goes on to mention two of the band’s biggest selling albums, ‘Slippery When Wet’ and ‘New Jersey’ (don’t bother looking for them in the list above, you won’t find them!) and says of them; “Both records were criticized for being more pop than metal, as well as being targeted toward teenyboppers, yet the group managed to subtly change its image in the early '90s, moving away from metal and concentrating on straightforward arena rock and big ballads.” Wow, what a fantastic band! I bet the truly big acts of the time like R.E.M., U2 and Nirvana were terrified as the BJ’s were making this remarkable metamorphosis. Not.



And just when you think this garbage act’s unoriginality can get no more tedious, check out their videos! I can’t even get into describing them on here, but it does seem that this band’s cheesiness knows no bounds when they get in front of a camera. It is truly laughable!



But we shouldn’t demoralise the BJ fans that truly idolise this shower of ****. They obviously know no better, and are blinkered to the truly talented, groundbreaking acts out there. But the next time one of them comes up to you and starts spouting off about how ‘great’ they are, simply refer them to this article. And if they have any problems with it, give them my email address.



Bon Jovi are total GARBAGE!



I welcome intellectual discussion and debate from ANYONE who dares to differ!

Answer 12

jon bon jon bon jon bon jovi, my names christine lets get cosy!

Answer 13

good one mark g but she needs to grow up

she is a dumb ****

should be stuck in a pit

shes one dumb ****

and looks like a duck

Answer 14

he wrote u all those songs :) no other poem would be better than them

Answer 15

christine and jovi sitting in a tree k.i.s.s.i.n.g

Answer 16

no i can't be bothered.....