What is the funniest...?

Question

What is the funniest thing you have done? or
What is the funnies joke/riddle you have heard? or
What is the funniest thing? Maybe a video, song, thing that happened to someone else, ANYTHING that will make me laugh. :)

Answer 1

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"



"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."



The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"



Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

Answer 2

joke

There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest and they`re running and running and they stop because a genie appears. The genie says " if you two stop fighting and chasing each other i`ll give you each three wishes"

They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest "package" of all the bears in the whole forest.And His wish comes true. The rabbit then wishes for an unlimited supply of carrots. His wish is granted too. The bear`s second wish is that all the bears in the forest, except him, are female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. The bear`s last wish is that all the bears fall madly in love with him. The rabbit`s final wish is that the bear becomes gay, and the rabbit jumps on His motorcycle and rides away.





song-i sang this stupidity at the talent show (so funny)

Uh huh, extra cheese.

Uh huh, Uh huh, save a piece for me.



Pizza party at your house,

I went just to check it out.

19 extra larges,

What a shame, no one came.

Just us, eatin' all alone,

You said, "take the pizza home.

No sense lettin' all this go to waste,"

So then I faced



Pizza all day, and everyday, there's cheese 'round the clock,

Is gettin' me blocked, And I sure don't care for irregularity.



Tell me,

Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated

'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated,

In the bathroom.

I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain

Oh, should I take a laxative or have my colon irrigated.

No, no, no.



I was feelin' pretty down,

'Til my girlfriend came around.

We're just so alike in every way, I gotta say.

In fact, I just thought I might,

pop the question there that night.

I was kissin' her so tenderly,

But woe is me.



Who would've guessed, her family crest.

I'd suddenly spy, tattoo'd on her thigh.

And son of a gun, it's just like the one on me.

Tell me.



How was I supposed to know we were both related?

Believe me if I knew she was my cousin we never would've dated.

What to do now?

Should I go ahead and propose and get hitched and have kids with 11 toes,

And move to Alabama where that kinda' thing is tolerated.

No, no, no.



(no no)x11

(oooh)

I had so much on my mind,

I thought maybe I'd unwind.

Try out that new roller coaster ride,

And the guide...



Said not to stand, but that's a demand,

That I couldn't meet, I got on my feet,

And stood up instead and knocked off my head you see!

Tell me!



Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?

This really is a major inconvenience, oh man I really hate it.

It's such a drag now.

can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore, I can't belch or yodel anymore,

Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated.

Oh no!



Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah yeah)

I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated.

What a bummer.

I can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze.

But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now.

Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated.

No, no, no.

Answer 3

Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.



"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."



A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Answer 4

The sad life of a dick



I have two eyes but i can't see

when i get excited, i throw up everywhere

my best friend is a pussy

and i hang around with a bunch of nuts all day

and worst of all :(

my owner beats me

Answer 5

two shipwrecked sailors found themselves on an island inhabited by cannibles.A cannible step forward and said,you have two choice,choice number one:death, choice number two:figi

one of the sailors who really didnt wanna die chose figi and all the savages raped him and stoped an hour later and let him go.

Horrified by what he had seen the second sailor chose death,so a cannible stepped forward and yelled"death by figi"

Answer 6

uuuh

maybe nigahiga on youtube ;)



uuum

i heard alot of jokes.

there was this woman who was addicted to eating beans. she then had a husband and stuff so she had to stop with beans since they make her fart ALOT. one day she drove near this restaraunt with an aroma of beans. so she went there and ate loads of it. then she and her husband went home but he blindfolded her. he lead her around in the house and then stopped on one spot. the phone rang so he had to go get it and leave her with the blindfold on. she really had to fart so she stuck out her leg and let out a big one. her husband came back into the room and told her she could take out the blindfold. she took out the blindfold and 50 people around her yelled "suprise!"

Answer 7

alright! P.S. its a little rude! :P



there were 3 guys living in a 3-story apartment.



the guy on the ground floor didnt have a stove so he cooked outside on the BBQ.



the guy on the second floor didnt have a toilet so he peed out the window.



the guy on the top floor didnt have a sink so he had to shave out the window.



one day all three guys were doing what i said before at the same time



(ground floor guy- cooking

2nd floor guy- peeing

top floor guy- shaving)



the guy on the top floor accidentally dropped his razor and it fell down chopping of the 2nd floors guys penis which landed on the bbq....



later that day the guys met together and told each other what had happened in their day. the guy on the top floor said

" i dropped my razor!"

the guy on the 2nd floor said

"my penis got chopped off!"

the guy on the ground floor said

"I HAD THE BEST SAUSAGE EVER"

Answer 8

YouTube, I'm On A Boat.

Answer 9

2 peanuts walked into a bar

one of the peanuts was assaulted

a salted! get it?

Answer 10

WELL UMM I CRASHED INTO A PARKED CAR WITH A GOLF CAR LOL

I WAS GOING 7MPH LOL AND I LEFT A BIG DENT

Answer 11

Haha this is the funniest knock knock joke I ever heard!



Knock knock!

Whose there?

Smell-mop!

Smell-mop-who?



Haha it gets people all the time. :D

Answer 12

what am i?



im long, hard, smooth.you put me in your mouth and stroke me back in forth the harder and faster you do it the more cream gets in your mouth..what am i??



ima toothbrush!! =D