These are a collection of quotes, interesting tidbits, and my grandpa's wit he includes at the end of each of his e-mails. I have been collecting these since 2003. I am currently in the process of gathering more for Part 4.
Grandpa's Words of Wisdom, Part 1
1. If your bell isn't ringing your clapper may be broken.
2, This someone put on the E mail at work. Don't know if it is true or not. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden. and thus the word Golf entered into the English language.
3. People who look down their nose usually have the wrong slant.
4. When you buy meat, you buy bone. When you buy sand, you buy stone. And when you buy beer, you buy foam.
5. Use today wisely and tomorrow will be alright.
6. Conscience is a still small voice. When it calls, often the line is busy.
7. The big rewards are not for having brains, but for using what you have.
8. The hand that lifts the cup of cheers should not be used to shift the gears.
9. The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.
10. If you live in the fast lane don't marry a speed bump.
11. Walk towards the light and your shadows will be behind you.
12. People with nothing to say usually use a lot of big words to say it.
13. Always look on the bright side. Someday there might be enough sun to see a rainbow.
14. The early bird gets the worm if the duck don't get there first.
15. Even though the miles are many, the time is short if you are having fun.
16. The longest leap is to jump to conclusions.
17. The best way to be somebody is to be yourself.
18. You can't teach manners to someone who doesn't see any.
19. If you serve two masters, you have to lie to one.
20. If you drink too much, you think little.
21. Glasses change your personality, especially if you empty them too often.
22. The moon affects the tide, also the untied.
23. All the world lives in two tents: content and discontent.
24. No matter how long you nurse a grudge, it won't get better.
25. Alcohol puts the wreak in recreation.
26. You will shrink or expand to the size of your vision.
27. Children are not only deductible, they are taxing.
28. If the whole world seems wrong, it is full of people like you.
29. If you want to appear wise, keep your mouth closed.
30. Our present choices determine our permanent character.
31. When you give some one a piece of your mind, you lose part of yours.
32. Reputation is precious, character is priceless.
33. No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.
34. Outward expression shows inner experience.
35. The Father of success is work, the Mother of achievement is ambition.
36. Those that con, do. Those that can't, criticize.
37. To speed is human, to get caught is a fine.
38. A baby in the house proves a minority rules.
39. Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.
40. The first screw that comes loose in your head is the one that controls the tongue.
41. Laugh a lot and when you are older, all your wrinkles will be in the right spots.
42. Question? If we locked up all the feeble minded, who would write our songs?
43. The right temperature is maintained at home by warm hearts not hot heads.
44. Nothing wrong ever happens at the right time.
45. Nothing is politically right that is morally wrong.
46. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you ain't going to understand anything it says.
47. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
48. Time may be a great healer but it is not a very good beauty specialist.
49. It is catch as catch can and if you can't, just drop the ball.
50. Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
51. Women don't mind Yule shopping. They charge right ahead.
52. The more we grow up, the less we blow up.
53. There are too many cranks and not enough starters.
54. Independence is not always a virtue.
55. The best way to give your spouse an ulcer is retire.
56. Be what you wish others to become.
57. Anyone who sleeps like a baby doesn't have a baby.
58. Your life is what your thoughts make it.
59. When you drink to forget, you usually forget to stop.
60. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow never comes. So, enjoy today - today is what you have.
61. A person is as big as the things that make them angry.
62. Anger is only one letter from danger.
63. If you can't run with the dogs, stay off the porch.
64. Three can keep a secret if two are dead.
65. When we give others a piece of our mind we don't have any peace left.
66. A wise person changes their mind, a fool never.
67. "Virus" is a Latin word used by Doctors to mean "Your guess is as good as mine".
68. The best way to escape evil is to pursue good.
69. You have to have clouds to get showers of blessings.
70. Don't talk cream and live skimmed milk.
71. A critic is a legless person who teaches running.
72. Food comes before thought.
73. To be an achiever, you must be a believer.
74. A chip on the shoulder is a sign of wood higher up.
75. Pedestrians should be seen, not hurt.
76. When you are humble as sheep, you find the world is full of wolves.
77. If I repeat myself, it is because you didn't pay any attention the first time.
78. Life is like a mirror - we get the best results when we smile at it.
79. The worst of all frauds is to cheat your self.
80. Followers talk about the problem, leaders talk about the solution. - Anonymous
81. The She Bear (Grandma)was over heard talking back to the TV, "if you worry about your life all the time you don't have a life."
82. The higher the ape climbs, the more it shows its tail.
83. Family happiness is homemade.
84. It is the moments that make a day.
85. Anger makes you mouth work faster than your mind.
86. Character is what you are when no one is watching.
87. The best way to approach a problem is from the try-angle.
88. It is hard to train children in the way they don't go themselves.
89. Setting on a tack makes for an early spring.
90. An informed person has the same thoughts as you.
91. The reason most people like the old days better is they were younger then.
92. If you don't master your habits, your habits will master you.
93. A fanatic is someone who would be called a "dedicated idealist" if they were on your side.
94. Simplicity is the essence of expression.
95. Kind words never wear out the tongue.
96. Radar spelled backwards is radar. They get you coming and going.
97. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. You are right either way.
98. To worry - putter, push, shove, find mole hills to make mountains of.
99. The winds of anger blow out the lamp of intelligence.
100. An angry person opens their mouth and closes their eyes.
Grandpa's Words of Wisdom, Part 2
1. Experience gained the hard way brings knowledge that remains.
2. Question: Does yelling kids make home a howling success?
3. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
4. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
5. Only pedestrians think on their feet.
6. Wondering Why brides buy their wedding gowns and men rent their tuxedos.
7. Success is not judged by what you start but by what you finish.
8. If you could see your self as you are seen by others you wouldn't believe it.
9. Luck is nothing but good planning properly executed.
10. Remember life is GOOD.
11. Too many people live cafeteria style - self-service.
12. The mind is a scheme machine.
13. In the word wedding the "we" comes before the I.
14. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
15. You don't have to be a musician to toot your own horn.
16. Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
17. Late starters are seldom winners.
18. You are only young once and it takes years of middle age to get over it.
19. Worry is praying to the wrong God.
20. You can't run your life on empty.
21. The end never justifies meanness.
22. A truly busy person is too busy to think how busy they are.
23. Always be a little kinder than necessary.
24. You can meet friends every where, but you have to make enemies.
25. You can't raise your reputation by lowing others.
26. The frosting tastes good whether you have cake or not.
27. It is more important to make time count than to count time.
28. Middle age is when you look in the mirror and wish you hadn't.
29. Just because something is said doesn't mean it is worth repeating.
30. Leave the lights off and the shades closed and every thing looks fine.
31. Most people will agree with you if you just keep quiet.
32. Anything scarce is valuable, thanks is an example.
33. To make progress with a row boat, you have to have oars.
34. Worry puts tomorrows cloud over today's sunshine.
35. A Grandparent is something so simple a child can operate.
36. When you are wrapped up in your self you are over dressed.
37. The best way to get drivers to slow down is to call it work.
38. A road less traveled lets weeds grow in the cracks.
39. Minds are like parachutes not much good unless they are open.
40. The average woman would rather dye than have gray hair.
41. At the start always consider the finish.
42. Both sugar and vinegar are preservatives. So it seems to boil down to whether you want to be pickled or in a jam.
43. You have to wait in the darkness to appreciate the sunrise.
44. A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on it's shoes.
45. It is alright to hold your head up as long as you don't turn up your nose.
46. If you can't lead and won't follow, you are a road block.
47. The good old days are those days that I could master. The pace was slower and I was faster.
48. American women are the best "yessed" women anywhere.
49. To keep from losing your shirt is to roll up your sleeves.
50. Adolescence is when children start bringing up thier parents.
51. It is hard for an empty sack to stand erect.
52. The flowers you see tomorrow are from seeds planted today.
53. What you do is what you are.
54. A successful man is one with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary who does it.
55. A husband who shops with his wife is a wait watcher.
56. The best time to look for work is after you get a job.
57. If you are awake, you are ahead of the game.
58. A sign a man is growing old is when he notices the food and not the waitress.
59. If a need persist, the solution exist.
60. If it was a perfect world there would be no place for you and me.
61. Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of wait.
62. When you are coasting, you are either losing speed or going down hill.
63. There isn't much to see in a small town, but what you hear makes up for it.
64. It is better to stay lost than ask directions. (MEN!!! grrrr)
65. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
66. There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: climb it or set on an acorn.
67. If you are looking for perfection, don't look in the mirror.
68. Just because water runs down hill, you don't have to.
69. Don't use a gallon of words to express a spoonful of thought.
70. We all admire the wisdom of people who ask us for advice.
71. All success is relative - the more success, the more relatives.
72. The letter "I" is always found in the middle of anxiety.
73. An unwelcome guest is the best thing going.
74. It is never right to do wrong.
75. A well-adjusted person is one who can play cards or golf as if they were games.
76. It is easier to shun the bait than struggle with the hook.
77. Fanatics don't change their minds and won't change the subject.
78. Conceit is the devil's gift to little people.
79. If there is a smile in your heart, your face will show it.
80. The most destructive acid in the world is found in our sour disposition.
81. Talk is cheap, the supply is greater than the demand.
82. A lot of trouble has been caused in the world, by too much intelligence and not enough wisdom.
83. It is nice to get up in the morning, when the sun begins to shine, four or five or six o'clock in the good old summer time. But when the snow is snowing, and it is murky over head, it is nice to get up in the morning, but it is nicer to lie in bed.
84. Keep the sunny side up.
85. A one track mind rarely has anything worthwhile to offer.
86. Charity is the virtue of the heart.
87. Singleness is bliss; marriage is a blister
88. Sticks and stones mess up the yard.
89. If it taste good, it is probably bad for you.
90. The young and the old have all the answers. Those in-between are stuck with the questions.
91. The person who loses their head usually is the last one to miss it.
92. Don't brag. It isn't the whistle that pulls the train.
93. You are only poor when you want more than you have.
94. A smile adds face value.
95. Money isn't everything, but it sure comes in handy if you forget your credit cards.
96. Think about it: are you realy that busy or just confused.
97. A team of champions does not make a champion team.
98. Spend your time counting your blessings, not airing your complaints.
99. Live so people will want your autograph and not your finger prints.
100. A clear conscience is a soft pillow.
Grandpa's Words of Wisdom, Part 3
1. Just doing nothing isn't always a bad thing.
2. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.
3. You can't expect to be a lucky dog if you spend all your time growling.
4. There are fast days, there are slow days, and then there is today.
5. Keep the sunny side up and the dirty side down.
6. To reach greater heights, have more depth.
7. When the going gets tough, it is time to send some one else.
8. Remember when you looked forward to the salary you can't live on today?
9. Behind every successful man is a surprised Mother-in-law.
10. A person who toots thier horn the loudest is in a fog.
11. The only place to find financial security is inside your income.
12. Atheism has no future.
13. Water would taste better if it was a sin to drink it.
14. A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
15. The begining of wisdom is silence.
16. The world is looking for examples, not advice.
17. Count your blessings. Others will keep track of your mistakes.
18. Lies are like Rabbits - put one with another and they multiply fast.
19. Someone all wrapped up in himself makes a small package.
20. If you don't climb the mountain, you can't see the view.
21. Find fault is easy, to do better is difficult.
22. Back sliding is easy - you do nothing.
23. Nostalgia is like a grammer lesson: The present-tense, the past-perfect.
24. Hating people is like burning the house to kill the rats.
25. Still water freezes the quickest.
26. Progress is trying to make things as good as they used to be.
27. What you are determines what you do.
28. There is no fool like an old fool. You just can't beat experience.
29. A pessimist burns his bridges before he gets to them.
30. The company you choose is an index of your character.
31. By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
32. The Sun shines every day, some days you just can't see it.
33. If you are always late, you are punctual at being late.
34. Don't hesitate to give advice. It passes time, and nobody will follow it anyway.
35. When anger rises, think of the consequences.
36. Every married man knows when the wife suggests you should do something and has allready moved every thing so what she suggests can be accomplished, it is a done deal or it will be a long cold spring.
37. It is your disposition that decides if you are happy or unhappy
38. Any dead fish can float down stream.
39. An electric eel will short-circuit itself if it is put in salt water.
40. The sea of matrimony is filled with hard-ships.
41. Make friends with your creditors, but never make creditors of your friends.
42. In the English language more words start with the letter "S" than any other letter.
43. A sign over a welding shop: "We mend everything except a broken heart and the break of day."
44. To stay youthful, be useful.
45. Inflation is being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.
46. It takes a wise person to know what not to say, and then not to say it.
47. Better to be one sided than to be two faced.
48. The reason dollar bills wear out so quickly is people are always passing the buck.
49. People always emphasize the negative, no one puts up a sign: Beware of Nice Dog.
50. People who know the least seem to know it the loudest.
51. Nothing like a rainy Friday to give you the the dreamy eyed look of a cow sucking on a lemon.
52. If you give out stale bread, don't expect chocolate cake in return.
53. Keep both feet on the ground and you won't have as far to fall.
54. Don't pray for a bushel and then run around with a pint cup.
55. The aveage person swallows 295 times while eating a meal.
56. In the 1800s in England, anyone who unsuccessfully attemted suicide faced the death penalty.
57. Your dogs heart beats 40 times a minute faster than yours does.
58. Who ever gossips to you will gossip of you.
59. Smokey the Bear's original name was "Hot Foot Teddy."
60. Experience is what you get when you are looking for something else.
61. The bigger your head, the easier to fill your shoes.
62. Frequent prayers lessen daily cares.
63. Too many people are humble and proud of it.
64. If you don't strike oil in the first thirty minutes, stop boring.
65. No one ever stumbles over something while sitting down.
66. There is an "I" in every accident and a "U" in every excuse.
67. People trying to be affable are often laughable.
68. A person who is almost persuaded is still completely lost.
69. If you consistently do your best, the worst can't happen.
70. The male mosquito doesn't bite, it is only the female that does.
71. It is easier to do a job right than to do it over.
72. Lfe makes some people better and others bitter.
73. The person who invented alcohol died thousands of years ago, but his spirits live on.
74. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, or an honest compliment.
75. Success always covers a multitude of blunders.
76. Praise loudly. Blame softly.
77. Actually, the elephant is not afraid of the mouse.
78. One cord of wood can make seven and one half million toothpicks.
79. Never give an excuse that you would not be willing to accept.
80. A bear has 42 teeth.
81. You will never become dizzy doing good turns.
82. The best mirror is an old friend.
83. You will have to sleep with tonight what you do today.
84. If you cannot think of any nice things to say about your friends then you have the wrong friends.
85. Self is the smallest business in the world to be engaged in.
86. An armadillo can be housebroken.
87. A fool and his money is soon spotted.
88. Your brain is eighty percent water.
89. Bees flap thier wings three hundred times a minute.
90. What you eat doesn't give you ulcers, it's what is eating you.
91. It takes a snail 115 days to crawl a mile.
92. It takes four hours to hardboil a 30 pound ostrich egg.
93. East Chicago is a city in Indiana.
94. The only animal that will eat a skunk is the great horned owl.
95. A song in your heart will put a smile on your face.
96. Safety belts aren't as confining as wheelchairs.
97. Not to speak ill only requires silence.
98. You convince a man, you have to persuade a woman.
99. A miser will catch a cold to use up the cough medicine.
100. A closed mind is like a locked, shuttered house - it is secure and quiet, but also dark and gloomy.